I've been talking to a couple of friends in my building about this, and there are all sorts of ideas. Of course, they're all married, so they don't really have to worry about disease control. I'm interested in trying to find a form of birth control that doesn't have weird effects on my body, isn't uncomfortable, and that is convenient.

One friend of mine went on depo provera (those shots you get once every three months) and it screwed her system big time. Not only that, but she gained quite a bit of weight on it. Come to think of it, I know 3 women who tried depo once or twice and gained a significant amount of weight.

So since I'm already big enough thank you, I won't be doing THAT option.

There is, of course, the pill. I tried it years ago and didn't feel quite "right" on it - mood swings, etc. I stopped after a few months. Then, after I had my baby, I decided to go on the pill again. But I'm not very good at regular pill-taking - I forget to take them too much. Which is an utter waste of money since you can't be sure that month will be effective when you skip a day or two (or three ).

So the pill isn't great. And I don't know if I like the idea of changing my body in that way anyhow. Apparently depo is progesterone, and so are some types of pill, so it's possible that you could have weight gain on them.

There are, of course, condoms. Condoms are the only disease control of course (well, except abstinence), but here's my problem with those. Ever been having sex, get to the end, have the guy pull out and, WHOOPS, where's the condom?!?! Yeah, well, that's happened to me and it scared the hell out of me. Then there is the smell factor. Condoms STINK. Probably there are different types that stink less, but every type I've ever used smell horrible. Not only that, but I think I might have a slight latex allergy, because when I use them, I'm itchy for a day or two afterwards.

So condoms aren't ideal. Yes, they're absolutely necessary if you have a new partner or are unfamiliar with their past, or it's casual sex with someone you don't know very well. But that's not my situation, so that's not really a concern for me.

Anyhow. So we covered the pill, the shot, the condom. Then there are things like diaphragms and IUDs. IUDs sound interesting, but I've heard horror stories about them slipping, or causing ectopic pregnancies, or getting "caught" on the guy's penis during intercourse. Maybe that's just an urban legend, I don't know.

Diaphragms - well, I'm not sure how they work, but if it's the way I think they do - inserting them before intercourse and removing them afterwards - well, a condom would probably be easier, I would think. Besides, I've heard that there's a significant margin of error with diaphragms. Not cool.

Anyhow. Then I thought about the rhythm method. I never used to think about it, because I thought, oh please, you know what you call women who use the rhythm method? Mommy.

But seriously, apparently it can be quite effective, particularly if you take your temperature with a thermometer and chart it.

A friend of mine does this with an EXTREMELY expensive monitor: http://www.naturalmethods.com - and this product claims 99.4% accuracy! It's a thermometer hooked up to a little computer, it keeps track of your tempurature, does all the charting and calculations itself, and it tells you when you're ovulating.

Unfortunately it costs over $600 CDN. Sigh.

It's all natural and non invasive.

But, if you're not a good pill taker, I can't see you really likeing this method. It's the "rythym" method, but with real tests with temperature and estrogen levels being monitored. The old rythym method was just counting days on a calander after one's period, and since our sytems can and do fluctuate is wasn't that accurate.

I got pregnant twice while on the pill, and the damned things made me nauseous unless I took them at bedtime. And I suspect they supressed my libido somewhat.

An IUD caused hemorrhaging periods.

Diaphram - never trusted them, so never tried one.

Spermicidal foam and condom - yuck, yuck, yuck. What more can I say?

Tubes tied - I won't mutilate my reproductive system unless it's to save my life.

There was a surge in medical enthusiasm for them in the 1970s, when the first cohort of women who'd been on the pill began reaching their mid-thirties, when the pill becomes more dangerous. Many doctors embraced IUDs as the most obvious birth-control method they could control. Only one IUD, the Dalkon shield, I think, turned out to be dangerous to everyone, but they all gave many women a variety of problems. I had the same problem RW did, and I knew a woman who became pregnant with an IUD in place (and had an abortion, of course). I also know, though, several women who used IUDs for fifteen years without complaint.

When I finally demanded to switch to the old-fashioned, low-tech, controlled-by-me diaphragm, I got a real fight from my doctor -- who didn't like to teach "lay people" how to use them because she thought we'd be too "squeamish" to insert them properly. In fact, I thought it was fascinating to learn how to use them and how to check for the obvious misinsertion. They're not as liberating as using nothing, but I was quite exhilarated by them.

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Ever been having sex, get to the end, have the guy pull out and, WHOOPS, where's the condom?!?!

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That's how my first daughter was conceived....

There is no form of birth control that doesn't have drawbacks. And let's face it, the only one wherein you can't get preggers is abstinence. And what fun is that?

Every pill out there, including the progestin-only mini-pill, has side effects that include depression. I've been on the estrogen/progestin pill, which made me absolutely nuts for 25% of my time, to the point where the blond guy asked me to quit taking them. I got told twice by MDs that I was imagining that my anxiety, depression and mood swings were from the drug, but you know, they went away after I quit taking the damned things. And if you read the fine print on the insert the druggist gives you, it's listed as a side effect... Anyway, I react to both varieties, and won't even consider the depo-privera shot, which is supposed to be even more virulent.

I just don't have time for drug-induced misery.

Right now, we're going with the condoms. There are other types than the latex, they're much nicer, but expensive. As we're married and strictly monogamous, disease control is something we're not worried about. Can't use the spermicidal stuff, either, it gives me a rash.

We've also discussed the big V, but we don't know if we'll want another baby in the future. We'll wait 'til I hit 40 and see how we feel about it then. We'll also have to look into the risks, I would not allow my sweetie to have any surgery without weighing all the risks beforehand. I don't want my tubes tied, it's too invasive a procedure.

It's expensive and not reusable. It's a little tricky to insert - unlike a diaphragm which, I believe, can be put in well ahead of time, the female condom is inserted just before intercourse. Generally not one's most dextrous or patient moment. (Okay, the website says that you can put it in as much as eight hours in advance...I'm not sure that I'd want to)

My gentlemen friends have suggested that it's an odd sensation - a little like having sex with a plastic bag. It can be noisy, all that plastic crinkling around, and the noise can be distracting.

Good points? It is useful for women to have a method of contraception and disease prevention that they control. It's fairly effective, as I understand - less chance of breakage. And, the outer ring can rub nicely, if you configure it right.

I found I didn't like her to be on the pill, as it supressed her libido and she also fretted about long term health concerns.

I hate condoms for all the reasons mentioned above, plus I hate having to deal with the damn things when your done. Icky, and unless you're the late great John Holmes, the ring at the base has a way of trapping pubic hairs, and they pull when you remove it. Talk about steppin' on your post-coital buzz.

But mostly, I hate condoms because, for me, the reduced sensitivity makes attaining orgasm too much of a challenge. Happy problem from the woman's perspective? Maybe, but then I've been unable to orgasm through the damn things before, and my ex took it as "you don't love me", so it ain't so funny sometimes.

So, after my youngest was born, I decided that surgery for my wife was way too intrusive-- she'd been through three births, and it seemed to me it was my turn to do something.

I had a vasectomy, years ago, and I love it. I don't know of any side effects, everything works fine. Although I hear there is an increased incidence of testicular cancer amoung vasectomized men as compared to unvasectomized.

I should use condoms now too, I guess. But I trust the person I'm seeing not enough of right now.

If you must use condoms, women can make them a bit more fun by learning to apply them with their mouths. That's a nice little treat I remember.

Kind of kinky, in a latex fetish kind of way.

But on the whole, I really, really hate condoms.

......did I mention I hated condoms? Oh yes.

{edited to change "leaning" to "learning". Fruedian typo if I ever saw one. }

[ March 13, 2002: Message edited by: Tommy_Paine ]

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If you must use condoms, women can make them a bit more fun by learning to apply them with their mouths. That's a nice little treat I remember.

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No pun intended.

These things take practice, and I think it helps if you're with someone who will laugh when things like that happen, so you can laugh together.

Laughing doesn't happen enough. I remember laughing on the occassion my ex's first "queef" after a particularly exhuberant session. She was embarassed to tears, however. It produced a good long talk though, about not being embarassed or ashamed of what are normal happenings.

Not everything works, not everything works the first time particularly, unless you stick to a unchanging script, and who wants to do that?

I've always had in my mind that sex should be as smooth as if I was Sean Connery playing "James Bond", where everything went right, and at a press of a button the round bed scoots out of the wall, complete with a martini: shaken, not stirred.

Sometimes it goes that way, and that's cool, but if it doesn't that's fun too.

I spent $40.00 once on a gizmo that was supposed to work for the both of us. It was a soft plastic figure eight thing, which acted like a cock ring, had a protrubance which was supposed to contact the clitoris, and an vibrating egg thing that sat at the back of my penis, which was supposed to produce ecstasy for us both.

Lesson one on sex toys: if you have to read the instructions to know how to wear it, best not use it.

It was quite annoying and I remember us both laughing at our furtive attempts to utilize this Rube Goldberg sex toy.

One of the confrontations of being "single" was the fact I was "free". But, having one time sex with someone, not taking the time to explore and learn and develop a bond where we could both let our monkey's off their leash..... it didn't strike me as being that interesting.

two words....

CERVICAL CAP

it's brilliant (as long as you are able to use spermicide).

One cold shower later.......

The whole "smooth" thing, however it is played out, is really defeated by the old condom. It's like watching "Raiders of the Lost Ark", and having a commercial break right when the Gestapo guy looks into the Ark of the Covenant. A mood breaker. "Excuse me, hon, while I get ready. Smoke'm if ya got'em...."

That's why I enjoy my vasectomy.

I remember a guy at work who was asking questions about it, knowing I had had one. He was coming at his real question rather obliquely, and he asked a few things indirectly before I got the jist of his real concern. When it dawned on me what it was, I blurted out, "Yes, Gord, white stuff still comes shooting out the end of my knob."

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As effective as the pill, when used correctly

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I'm all for the role play. I thinking something utterly cliché, with Pussy Galore left in adesperate, helpless condition, requiring Bond to perform an achingly slow rescue.

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In case other's care, 'cause I don't.

I was out shopping with my second from eldest daughter yesterday. (Hectic day, yesterday-- groceries, lawyer, shopping with daughter, massive empty calorie lunch, then a short nap before going back in to work at 7:00pm for a quick 4 hrs. O.T.) I think it's fun shopping for women, period, let alone shopping with a lover for "play clothes".

Of course, sex shops are the obvious place to go. I was at "North Bound Leather" with someone special a while back. But, I was in a completely overwhelmed fog to really do anything but go "uh huh" or "That's Cool."

But "NBL" is a specialty shop, high end, high quality. Most other sex shops sell stuff that's of questionable quality.

In this vien, shopping at a regular store for your play things is probably more fun. The Hardware store is probably a better "sex shop" than "sex shops" are.

I wonder too, when it comes to costumery and such if the second hand stores would be more fun to shop at. I saw a very small leather cocktail dress and a small busteir at "St. Vincent de Paul" when shopping with my daughters a while back. Inexpensive, and.....if it didn't quite fit.... all the better.

Value Village has lots of long scarves, good for beginners.

Of course, I wouldn't buy intimate apparel second hand, even if it was sold, but for costumery, I think they'd be the place to go.

You could get an authentic Nurse' uniform, real inexpensive, instead of that latex facsimilie uniform NBL had at a price so high, I didn't bother looking.

Of course, afterwards you could go to your local pharmacy for your birth control preference, in defference to the topic at hand.

[ March 16, 2002: Message edited by: Tommy_Paine ]