thanks vm

[ June 10, 2002: Message edited by: audra estrones ]

Here's another question: how do you address situations where you *know* the "partner" is responsible but hasn't been formally charged?

In Montreal, no, not too many vigils for individual victims of family violence. Of course we have the yearly action on the 6th of December, and press conferences etc. One thing that we notice, it may also be true elsewhere, is that there tend to be spates of family violence, as if one family murder (often not just of the spouse, but of the children as well) seems to touch off or "legitimise" such violent acts.

[ June 10, 2002: Message edited by: lagatta ]

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Trasie, please!!! I can't stand "wimmen"

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Trasie can spell things however the hell she likes.

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Thus sayeth the Lord of the Board.

Domine, exaudi orationem meam.
Et clamor meus ad te veniat.
Dies et actus nostros in sua pace disponat
Dominus omnipotens.

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Lagatta, Trasie wrote wimmin, not wimmen.

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Ya understand now?

[ June 10, 2002: Message edited by: clersal ]

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Ya understand now?

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Apart from the insult, if one is going to back up an objection, get the facts right before you post.

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We all know it's an alternative spelling,

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Off Kourse, Trazee kan spill tings aneeway shee lykes.

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It's an example of illiteracy -- that's why Lagatta queried it.

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And yes, Polytechnique does have a vigil every year upon the occasion of the Montreal Massacre. So do many other women's groups and groups against violence.

[ June 11, 2002: Message edited by: lagatta ]

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It is silly Birkenstock and overall feminism. And yes, that is just an opinion and of course she has the right to right whatever she wants. But I'd dismiss any text with "wimmin" in it out of hand.

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"And "trailer trash" is a pretty damn classist expression, if you ask me."

Well, one could talk about middle-class, voire upper-class people who think lumpens are somehow "neat"... the old story of slumming. Like all those articles about the scourge of poverty in Canada where they inevitably show homeless tramps and the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver. I work in a tenants' association in Villeray, in central-north Montreal, and the image I'd use for poverty is a banal little flat with an empty fridge. Not the "frisson" of back-alleys and trailer trash. Those people are desperately trying to keep their children from falling into the gutter.

[ June 11, 2002: Message edited by: lagatta ]

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No. It's an example of illiteracy -- that's why Lagatta queried it.

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feminists who deliberately misspell the word 'woman'

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Your intelligence gamut Mulford runs, like, from A to B.

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The people who participated stand in a vigil and those who want to may lay flowers and/or say the names of women they knew who were killed - I think it's only slain women, not abused but alive - by a man in their lives. Then they sing.

Your question ...WHAT TO DO when the murderer is not being charged..and 'we all know' who it was?

What I have seen as being helpful here, in the Ottawa area ...and hopefully others will feel comfortable enough to jump in...strong feminists together as they are able gather round the family of the woman, the friends and children and parents and support them through their indiviual and group shock,anger,grief.

A vigil or public honouring of the murdered woman;her life,her family members left behind, can provide a social/political/spiritual ritual or public form of Expression. It can be a very simple ceremony...a laying of flowers, candless lit in silence is a very very moving + gathering of sympathy and energy.

The Community sees its truth - murder,pain ...and yes, the light will turn to ..WHERE is the perpetrator ?? My sense is that that step...comes close on the heels of honouring the woman's life.

anyone else ...who wants to add what is done or not, in their communities ...to honour the women and kids ...to break the silence??

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I'm catastrophically nervous right now, so I'm going to retreat to the safety of my book, and read you inertia, from fiction has rules.

(read: this)

Okay. Now I feel better. I'll start my real speech.

In an elevator alone with a strange man. We've never met, but we're both already apologetic. My nervousness implicates him. For this I am sorry. His height intimidates. For this he is sorry. Our only solution is to part. He makes that face we make to indicate we've forgotten something, and pushes the button to exit the elevator at the next floor. As he leaves, he shoots me a rueful smile. We are allies.

I'm watching a movie with my best friend. The film -- like so many -- has gratuitous sexual violence. I feel a hand wrap around my fingers, and a pair of eyes search my face to make sure I'm okay. The space between us says "I'm sorry this happened to you." We resort to chatter until the scene is over. We are allies.

And now. Standing here, shivering. Mostly because I'm mourning the summer, but also because I'm a bit nervous. All I can think is there must be someone else who could be talking. A better feminist. A better speaker. A better writer. Someone with cleaner hair.

So I'm going to quickly read the another story out of this little chapbook some girls

(Then I read this.)

I know it isn't about walking the streets and not feeling safe, and believe me that I agonised over what to say for days. But what I'm trying to say is this: Thinking about standing here, I wish I felt safer. I wish we all felt like allies. And I say this because I know what it's like to come to something like this, and kind of hover, and grin hopefully, and wonder if anyone will talk to you. It sucks. But we're set up in so many ways to view each other as competition, or to feel like we're the only one who doesn't have it all figured out. But that's not the case. We're all here, and we're all allies. Kathleen Hanna used to tell Bikini Kill fans that they should draw stars on their hands, so that when they went out, other Riot Grrrls would notice, and talk to them, and they could make friends. Well, we're all here, so we have that in common. So, pie in the freakin' sky as this sounds, I'm telling you what it would take to make me feel safer. Everyone try to talk to at least two new people before you leave today. Invite a stranger to be part of some cool new project, you know you're over taxed anyway. Or just smile back at someone. Ask them if it's her first rally, and why she's here. Sisterhood is powerful, but only if we use it.

I'm going to close with one more piece from fiction has rules, it's called "We Must Run, My Darlings."

(Then I read this.)

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[ 16 January 2006: Message edited by: audra trower williams ]

This tradition has slowly started to spread to the white community, although it is still church-oriented, for the most part.

Edited to add: Other kinds of violence, too...such as against escaped slaves.

[ September 20, 2002: Message edited by: SuperGimp ]

Audra - thank you for bringing us all your words of heart truths. Marigold is now bookmarked and no elevator ride or perm sighting ...the same.

The first day of fall ..the balance shared with you all. A good thing ...to carry on..the words we share ...at vigils, at bus stops..at once.