Each of us is pulled in multiple directions by the various things and people around us, as well as by our own hopes, ambitions and fears.

I'm having a hard time with all the adjustments, and with trying to imagine where I'm headed, and what my life will be like. Seems to me that all the things I'm aspiring to these days won't really allow for a romantic, long term relationship, and probably not home-ownership, most likely not motherhood...So I was hoping that babblers out there can prove me wrong, and show me how many hats one woman can wear at a time...At this point I don't feel like my head is big enough to balance more than even one or two! (not to suggest that multitalented women out there are big-headed!!)

[ 02 April 2004: Message edited by: Lizard Breath ]

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Originally posted by Lizard Breath:
I started the thread because I'm currently going through a major whole-life overhaul. I'm leaving Toronto, leaving my boyfriend, leaving admin/receptionist work (oh, how I hope it's for good!!!), and heading to Calgary where I'll be a single fine arts student.

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I've also recently started looking seriously at volunteering opportunities and have been in contact with an organization that I'm very excited to learn more about.

The main "female" aspect to any balancing act I might have to play (between my precarious paid work, being a militant, being an artist...) is the fact that women tend to earn less and be consigned more to casual work, even if we are educated, and the fact that "soft" knowledge, such as arts and letters, are valued less in our culture than technology and applied science or especially business. Since I don't have children (and never wanted any) the usual meaning of "balancing act" doesn't really apply in my case.

I fail to see why being an art student - and hopefully working in an arts-related field - precludes a serious, romantic relationship. You assure me that a milieu of "alternative", interesting people does indeed exist in Calgary. I confess my familiarity with that town is limited to flying in to interpret at conferences. I saw nothing but sprawl, but I can't claim to have had the time to look for anything more positive. If such people do exist where you are moving you have as much chance of meeting one there as anywhere else.

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I've been mulling it over. Especially since I don't think you have children, or are a caregiver to an ill or elderly family member. Those are the main things I'd associate more with women's role in terms of a balancing act

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While caring for dependants is certainly a major factor in some people's lives when it comes to balance, there are lots of other pressures which can throw you off kilter.

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I fail to see why being an art student - and hopefully working in an arts-related field - precludes a serious, romantic relationship.

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Hmm...I guess it's that what I'm imagining or hoping I'll do with my arts education will involve a lot of travel, a lot of time away from any place I might call home, and a seriously strong sense of independence and self-confidence that I can't seem to master when I'm romantically involved with someone. There's something about being part of a romantic relationship that just really squelches my professional ambition and my creative ego, you might say. I fear that it's a biological response to fruitful conditions for reproduction or something like that. My brain goes soft and my body gets comfortable...not so conducive to trekking around the globe taking photos of people and places.

Unless of course you mean the fact that it is probably harder (and it is) for women to find a serious companion once we've passed our "best before" date.

Edited to add: Liz, in general I'd be the last person to put a positive spin on getting older. It sucks. But one positive aspect is that I don't think a serious relationship - in my eyes or the eyes of anyone it might be with - depend on round-the-clock availability or fawning admiration.

As for the passive, comfortable thing, that can be caused by many things in life, not just love. Not having anyone and feeling empty as a result is not exactly a great creative stimulus either. Guess we must just apply kicks to our own (figurative) rear ends, eh?

[ 02 April 2004: Message edited by: lagatta ]

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The things you mention don't necessarily weigh heavier on women - in some respects they might weigh heavier on men as they are traditionally expected to be "breadwinners".

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I'm not specifically thinking that these things weigh *more heavily* on women but that women might react to them a bit differently. For example, career-wise it would appear that a number of the posters in this thread are in admin type jobs where there is a much higher proportion of women to men. These are relatively stable fields which pay a decent living wage but aren't necessarily fulfilling or don't give good opportunities for self or career advancement. It can be tough to leave the security even when you don't enjoy the work.

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but liz put this topic in "feminism" so I assume she is talking about the aspects of a "balancing act" relating more to the double working day and what is still seen as women's traditional roles up against new expectations.

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That is the sort of thing I was thinking about, but also the more abstract, intricate balances struck by women who want to at once be strong and competent in their chosen field of work and also be able to be more traditionally feminine in their personal lives. I was also thinking of how ambition influences women differently, how we as women might have to temper our lofty goals with the reality that is child-rearing or caregiving, or just being a committed, romantic partner, as I mentioned above.

So, not exclusively the double-workday, but the whole dual (or more) personality thing...

I guess this may not be an issue that only women face, and I'm sure that men struggle with balancing their inner lives with their more worldly selves, but I was just interested in seeing how other women deal with these challenges, not so much in how it effects men (just because I'm not a man).

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Something about Spring that makes me really look at what I'm doing and what I should be doing. Or maybe I'm just having one of those (insert fraction) life crisises.

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I wear a lot of hats: Mother, spouse, entrepreneur, artist, arts and community activist, co-op(artist run centre) board member and have now added to my list volunteering with a non-profit working with refugees and immigrants, and by association, self-styled ESL tutor. Oh, yeah, and homeowner.

At the moment, it's a bit too much. My volunteer stuff is out of balance because my role at the co-op has been much more demanding than is usual lately.

The secret to being able to do way too much is having a partner who is on the same page and carries an equal share of the load. I'm very fortunate that the blond guy and I work together, and also do a lot of our volunteer stuff together. For example, I'm on the board at our film co-op, but he's a member; he's on the steering committee for a group fighting to preserve inner city libraries and I'm a member of the group.

I don't think of it as me balancing roles, but the two of us balancing all our roles, and helping each other in the process.

I haven't, unfortunately, been shooting anything, just on overload, between grant applications (everything's due in the first half of March) and a crisis at the artist-run centre. Our new manager didn't work out, so I've been coordinating and taking on some of the admin work.