quote:

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You've created quite a pickle for us! Without being able to use the words "idiot", "moron", "imbecile", or "lunatic" "mentally retarded" or "manic-depressive" how are we going to be able to respond to your post in a way that reflects it's full quality?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Mr. Magoo:
How about a special car on the subway, dedicated to people with large packages

I think that car will be very popular with gay men.

As will the job of determining who qualifies to ride in it.

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quote:

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I think this is the millionth time I've seen this same whine, or one just like it.

"Why, oh why, oh why won't you just give me the pissing match I so fervently desire?"

"Why must you call me names just for disagreeing with you (rudely)?"

"If the left believes in free speech, you must allow me to shout "Shitcock" at the top of my virtual lungs in your little messageboard from now until the end of days, or else you're just a big old book-burning censor!"

"Sure, you guys complain about war and misery and hunger and inequality, but then you turn right around and treat me all mean! You're no better!"

"When a guy can't come here and share ideas with you backwards-thinking hippie asshats without everyone assuming he's a troll, maybe you should all give your heads a shake. You're the Taliban!"

"All I wanted to do was be friends... and convince you that feminists stole my testicles... and you have to call me names that make me want to cry (boo-hoo-hoo!)"

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Left wing Intollerance

This one is my favorite:

quote:

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"If the left believes in free speech, you must allow me to shout "Shitcock" at the top of my virtual lungs in your little messageboard from now until the end of days, or else you're just a big old book-burning censor!"

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[ 15 August 2005: Message edited by: Scout ]

quote:

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Once on the North American continent, there was no stopping it’s spread to the states. In a June 2000 memo to US-Canadian Customs agents, they were warned to not let this word slip across the border. At this point the word had such a Canadian backing that there was no way to stop it’s glorious spread. And so, ‘asshat’ was first used in the US by an Inuit man named Pukkeenegak who slipped across the border in his kayak. God bless the Inuit!

Americans were, at first, wary to this new word. They had grown up using ‘asshole,’ ‘assclown,’ (premier in Office Space) and even ‘asshead.’ What was to force them to add yet another word to their vocabulary? The Internet, of course! Using radiocarbon dating, we have determined that some of the first widespread usage of the word ‘asshat’ was in several Kevin Smith fan newsgroups, all located in California. Luckily, there are also Kevin Smith fans in the northeast United States, so the word quickly bounded an entire continent and made it to New York City.

Everyone knows that New York City is a melting pot of culture, drugs, and comedians. The Bamboni family of Brooklyn, NY was the first to use the word ‘asshat’ in common day talk. Donny Bamboni was quoted in July 2001 as telling a cashier at 7-11 to, “put the money in the bag, asshat!” Several scared patrons of this convenience store quickly jumped on planes and flew back home, carrying the word with them. And Donny took the word to Rikers Island, where all the prisoners began using the word in a different context than an insult.

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quote:

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Disclaimer: I made all of this up. I did absolutely no research whatsoever to come up with this. If you have a problem with the way I wrote this, you are in fact an asshat.

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The urban dictionary includes definitions like:

Complete idiot. Dipshit, assrod. You get the idea. Bush voters are such twatwaffles..

twatwaffle (twat-wah-full):
n.1 An elitist; someone unaware of their own limitations and highly critical of others.
n.2 A general prick. See: douchebag, n00b.
v.1 To ban; to totally pwn."That Tom Cruise is such a twatwaffle."
or...
"I was twatwaffled by @Blue-Six....it hurt, a lot."

I've always hesitated to use it here, and still wouldn't use it generally, but since we're in a discussion of these sorts of terms I couldn't keep it to myself any longer.

quote:

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Originally posted by RealityBites:
And while I'm wallowing in political incorrectness, thanks Michelle, for turning me on to Ragan Fox.

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quote:

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I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments.

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quote:

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Originally posted by skdadl:
In response to "outlandist," who wrote glowingly of Dubya as "a great man who had the courage to stand up to the Islamofascists," chubbybear wrote:

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quote:

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Nice try, but this is how you flame:
You havn't got a clue. You couldn't get a clue if you smeared yourself with clue musk and danced the clue mating dance in a field full of horny clues in clue mating season. Your eyebrows meet in the middle, your forehead slopes, your pet gerbil wants you dead. Your mother would dress you funny if she could afford clothes. Your manners are hideous, your brain minute, and your body odor could fell an ox. You are a cancer. A sore that won't go away. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating foal, an insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

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quote:

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quote: "Anyone have any good troll recipes? Troll and Red Beans? Dirty Rice ala Troll? Poutine de Troll?"

Bitte schön...

Trolladen

8 pieces of troll, gutted deboned, with arms and legs removed - sliced to 1/8" thick
8 thin slices of dill pickle
1 cup onion - minced bacon
2 tbsp flour
1 tbsp Dijon mustard
2 cups Chicken stock
2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
salt to taste
pepper to taste

Pound the troll thin with a clue mallet until each piece is about 6x8 inches.
Roll a slice of pickle and some onion in the troll.
Skewer the troll with tooth picks so the stuffing doesn't fall out the ends.
Optionally add a bit of bacon to the filling.
Wrap each troll with a slice of bacon - only enough to go around once. You now have uncooked Trolladen.
Heat a scrap of bacon in a large frying pan.
Thoroughly brown the Trolladen in the frying pan over medium heat.
Set the browned Trolladen aside.
Pour off most of the grease....there will copious amounts, as troll is known to be very fatty.
Add the mustard, stock, Worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper to the pan.
Mix well and return the Trolladen to the pan.
Set the heat to low and cook for two hours.
Refrigerating the troll gravy makes it easier to remove the fat.

If you like this recipe, you might also like Jerked Wingnut and Côtes de Reformatory en papillotes.

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[ 08 September 2005: Message edited by: Lard tunderin' jeesus ]

quote:

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oh, how i wish i could be there. i wish this was an international event where women all over the world march in a park. it's not rapists alone who are the problem. there are so many men out there who sexually harass women (without raping) in public, and it feels dirty and creepy and scary too. like that dickwad feeling himself up on the subway train, and the girl took his picture on the cellphone. i have either witnessed or experienced this sort of thing so many times, i'm not even sure any more if these sexual harassers are a minority among men, and it just makes my blood boil. urgh! and then a couple of turds come along on babble chanting, "gender equality achieved. let's move on.", or "women are oppressing men", or whatever. and all i can think is, "you fuckin' turd. don't give me that bullcrap until i and all other women on this planet can fuckin' walk outside without a man holding our hands, and we don't get sexually harassed in one form or another. we'll debate gender equality when self-defence classes are as equally emphasized for men as they are for women, when we can step outside feeling confident that no male dipshit is going to honk at our asses, or whisper in our ears if we want to get in bed with them, or show us his ugly, hairy balls, or grab us from behind a bush and rape us. let's wait for that day, and then we'll debate gender equality".

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quote:

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Apparently there are a lot of self-described 'lurkers' here, too. I don't understand that concept at all. How can you hang out here without feeling compelled to add your own comment (as I do)? Incredible self-discipline? Shyness? Uncertainty?

Wisdom?

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quote:

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Bush and his team are the kings of claiming that the buck stops anywhere but at his desk. Hell, when people ask where the buck stops, he's just as likely to ask "What buck? The whole idea of a buck is a media conspiracy. There is no buck. I love deer. Especially huntin' 'em. Heh heh heh. We are safer today than we were yesterday. We are fighting the deer over there so we don't have to fight them here. When those planes hit the twin towers that day, we had to take the fight to the deer."

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quote:

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Originally posted by Michelle:
I haven't been able to listen to him lately since my little one is almost always around, and I certainly don't want him to pick up some of the more choice expressions Fox uses.

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But why?

"F me in the A, and give me a BJ"

It's really just like Sesame Street.

quote:

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I forget the exact words or who wrote it but it was something like "asshole smothered in asshole sauce with a side of asshole" or whatever.

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That was John_D:

quote:

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You are an asshole. No, I will not deal with the substance of any of your arguments. Yes, you can childishly play the "That means you can't rebut my positions, so I rule and you drool!" card if you like. I mean, no one else has ever done it, so at least it's original.

Oh, and in case you missed it, you are an asshole. You are disingenuous. You have hijacked every conversation you've ever participated in here. Your goal is not constructive, but destructive. You are false, you are pompous, you are deceitful, you are offensive, you are useless....

...and you are a grade-A, USDA approved cut of premium marbled asshole, lightly seared over an asshole grill and smothered in asshole mushrooms and a light asshole sauce. On your most annoying days you come with baked asshole and sour cream, and your choice of desert from the asshole tray. Try the asshole creme cheesecake, it comes with assholes!

Asshole.

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[ 13 September 2005: Message edited by: RealityBites ]

I'm all caught up now, though. Say, did you hear the Madonna thing he opened one of his recent casts with, that he picked up from "Twinkleboy", whoever that is?

Also, I like to listen to The Sniffer, which is a fun (but short) podcast by Cathi Bond and Nora Young (and they're also involved with the rabble radio project too). They do a less-than-10-minute podcast 5 days a week (Mon-Fri) and the subject matter is generally future trends, or current trends that could change the future.

Here's the rss feed for The Sniffer:
http://thesniffer.libsyn.com/rss

I was approached, and was given the opportunity to express my support for the locked out workers by doing a simple intro for their podcast.

quote:

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You smug, self-satisfied, addle-pated, know-nothing, pathetic little pissant. If the birth date on your profile is right -- though I don't see why I should believe a word you type -- I was active in the movement against Reagan and his cruise missiles (and his Canadian collaborators) before you were born, and I haven't gone over to the Dark Side since. I won't waste more of my time trotting out more credentials, but wipe that smirk off your vacant little face. You haven't the native intelligence of George Walker Bush, nor the political sophistication of one of his ornamental Texas cattle. Take your lazy, cheap, clichéd, empty insinuations, and your nutbar conspiracy theories, roll them up into a cylinder, and shove them up your chair-polishing ass, which I hope promptly breaks out into suppurating hemmorhoids of such ferocious, untreatable agony that you're unable to sit in front of a computer and retail this sheepshit for another ten years.

And furthermore:

*plonk*

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quote:

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You smug, self-satisfied, addle-pated, know-nothing, pathetic little pissant. If the birth date on your profile is right -- though I don't see why I should believe a word you type -- I was active in the movement against Reagan and his cruise missiles (and his Canadian collaborators) before you were born, and I haven't gone over to the Dark Side since. I won't waste more of my time trotting out more credentials, but wipe that smirk off your vacant little face. You haven't the native intelligence of George Walker Bush, nor the political sophistication of one of his ornamental Texas cattle. Take your lazy, cheap, clichéd, empty insinuations, and your nutbar conspiracy theories, roll them up into a cylinder, and shove them up your chair-polishing ass, which I hope promptly breaks out into suppurating hemmorhoids of such ferocious, untreatable agony that you're unable to sit in front of a computer and retail this sheepshit for another ten years.

And furthermore:

*plonk*

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quote:

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Originally posted by Scott Piatkowski:
I wonder if anyone has read any Hall of Fame worthy quotes on babble lately.

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quote:

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OK. Good on you for the semantics. But the word might pop into your head if
1. you were a woman
2. in Nepal
3. in a cow shed
4. during your fucking period.

Now, I feel much better.

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[ 15 September 2005: Message edited by: Américain Égalitaire ]

quote:

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Originally posted by 'lance:
Take your lazy, cheap, clichéd, empty insinuations, and your nutbar conspiracy theories, roll them up into a cylinder, and shove them up your chair-polishing ass, which I hope promptly breaks out into suppurating hemmorhoids of such ferocious, untreatable agony that you're unable to sit in front of a computer and retail this sheepshit for another ten years.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Shazum:
is someone less Canadian for liking 24 over other Canadian programming? not at all. if you still continue to believe that to have the opinion that a good ammount of Canadian productions are crap (which most are, save for a few gema) makes you and inferior canadian, you might as well take your head out of your ass because you obviously don't have the ability to enjoy entertainment unless it's through the lens of geo-politics

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quote:

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Michelle
assistant babbler
Babbler # 560
posted 25 September 2005 01:19 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No kidding. And since rban's already started a bunch of other threads in which to ride his hobby horse, I'm closing this one. Keep your crap out of the forums I moderate, rban, or you'll find yourself rbanned.

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quote:

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I love how these four different, lengthy threads show us all how easy it is to switch to Linux!
...

Step 1694: Now find the line in /root/blah/obscure/hidden/geek/ that starts with the Hexadecimal equivalent to 32768 and is escaped with three backslashes (\\\) which are themselves escaped by 4 ampersands (&&&&) and copy that line to the file in /root/blah/obscure/hidden/somebodyfuckinghelpme that is the longest, excluding all source-derived lines, or lines with more than one backtick in them.

Step 1695: Having now copied your kernel flag properly to the configuration log, find a file in your /root/blah/livinghell/ directory and use the command line to call up 'vi' and remove all non-standard ASCII characters....

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Join the Man Hating Vagina Warriors Club!

quote:

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Originally posted by aRoused:
I'd like to be a man-hating vagina warrior, but I think really I'm more of a warrior-hating vagina man.

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Probably not, but he can give the grils a timeless line to use forever after:

quote:

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I'm surprised that so many of the men here can contribute to any forum, what with their hands being nailed to crosses and all.

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RP, in this thread.

[ 11 October 2005: Message edited by: skdadl ]

quote:

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Yes, I heard the cry of the unicorn: a corporate executive welcoming a European directive.

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To which Carter replied:

quote:

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That's not a unicorn, it's a donkey painted white with a horn scotch-taped to its forehead.

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[ 12 October 2005: Message edited by: maestro ]

Originally posted by skdadl:

quote:

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Vegetable plants do not grow their veggies to be eaten? What is the turnip doing out there if not preparing to be eaten?

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To which Tape_342 replied:

quote:

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Obviously a turnip is like anyone else. It spends its short turn on the planet helping others, looking for love and otherwise trying to lead a dignified, fulfilling life.

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quote:

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They need to learn how to aim higher.

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quote:

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Originally posted by vmichel:

Hey, I'm a student and a working person both! And I don't consider time spent on babble to be idle time. I actually find it very educational. I think it sharpens my writing skills, and it is a valuable source of news and critical opinion. Maybe I'm just nutty, but I find babbling to a worthwhile endeavor that I make time for in my busy day.

I guess you can file that under "There's Nothing Wrong With Babble."

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quote:

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Originally posted by Albireo:
So much was said and left unsaid about Cuba in those closed threads! Somewhere in there, and in the tens of thousands of other past and future posts about Cuba, there must lie some nuggets of truth.

I have a modest proposal to resolve the disputes. In a selfless act of dedication to science and the pursuit of truth, I hereby volunteer to investigate the veracity of some of the claims made about Cuba on babble. I will do this by traveling to and around Cuba -- at babble expense, of course. Cleverly disguised as an ordinary Canadian tourist, and using various all-inclusive resorts as my bases of covert operations, I will leave no stone unturned, no party unattended, no mixed drink unsavoured, no stretch of beach undisturbed by my presence, nor any thigh or buttock unexamined in my tireless pursuit of the truth about Cuba.

With nothing standing between me and certain death but my own cunning, the good nature of the Cuban people, the considerable police presence and some number 35 sun screen, I will meticulously compile facts and information. Wherever there is a gathering of Cubans, with music and rum, dancing and stories to tell, I will be there. From the end of hurricane season 'til the distant Canadian winter ends, I will be there, in Cuba. Whenever a German shouts "BINGO!" or a compatriot wins a karaoke contest, or a volleyball lands right on the line, I will be there. From the impoverished towns to snorkeling in the coral reef, from a guided tour of the picturesque countryside to the bars and clubs of Havana, I will observe it all. If a child in rags is begging in the street, I will take note. And if a gorgeous, silky-skinned, muscular local should happen to end up on a beach in a thong bikini, she will not be exempt from my purely scientific scrutiny.

Whose picture of Cuba is more accurate? Is it the grim impoverished totalitarian hell-hole of Sven? Or the utopian and egalitarian grass-roots democracy of Red Albertan? Does Stockholm's portrait of Cuba have any fidelity? Or shall we buy stock in Fidel's views? Only Albireo, with some well-funded research time in the Caribbean's largest island nation, will be able to provide the answers. While the debates rage on through thread after babble thread, and the icy-cold Canadian winds roar outside, and the snow and sleet lash the cold-numbed faces of babblers as they trudge through winter's darkest and most tedious days, the denizens of rabble.ca can rest assured that Albireo is on the case, relentlessly zeroing in on the truth about Cuba, like a borderline alcoholic swimming right up to the pool-side bar.

And when I return, likely in late March, armed with facts and figures, anecdotes and stories, duty-free rum and a killer tan, I will report my findings and put to rest, once and for all, the babble debates about Cuba. Either that, or I'll report inconclusive results and seek further funding in order to gather more data during the following winter. All in the interest of science, of course, and the tireless pursuit of the truth.

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[ 02 November 2005: Message edited by: obscurantist ]

quote:

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Originally posted by RealityBites:

Stephen Harper's the kind of guy who'd discover the secret of immortality during a suicide attempt.

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quote:

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Originally posted by writer:
Our audra
Who art in Halifax
Hallowed be thy name
Thy warnings come
Thy will be done
By babblers
As it is by others

Give us this day
Our daily threads
Forgive us our troll-baiting
As we forgive the troll-baiting of others
And lead us not into flame wars
But deliver us from evil reactionaries

For thine is the power
The babblerdom and the glory
Forever and ever

Amen

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quote:

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Originally posted by Catchfire:
Man, is Nickelback bad. They suck so hard they bend light.

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quote:

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Immaculate Deception: Liberals give Virgin berth in Hamilton

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quote:

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Originally posted by RosaL:
I read somewhere that KFC had agreed to kill the chickens in a (relatively) cruelty-free manner, with poison gas or something. That would certainly be preferable to what has been going on.

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