quote:

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When taxi driver Ashley Gibbins called the helpline of NTL hoping to have broadband installed, he was told, that all its operators were busy right now, but if he cared to hold the line his call would be dealt with as soon as possible.

So Mr Gibbins held. And held. Then held some more. Eventually, after an hour, Mr Gibbins decided he had had enough. He put the phone down and decided to wreak revenge.

By chance, Mr Gibbins discovered he could alter NTL's recorded message, and after he'd tinkered with it people seeking help were met with something altogether more blunt.

"Hello, you are through to NTL customer services," they were told. "We don't give a fuck about you, basically, and we are not going to handle any of your complaints. Just fuck off and leave us alone. Get a life."

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Here's the audio

[ 19 June 2005: Message edited by: rasmus raven ]

[ 02 May 2006: Message edited by: 'topherscompy ]

For example, when I lived in Canada I had a Roger's pay-as-you-go cell phone. At first, when I wanted to add money to the account, it was the standard "press 1 to hear your details", "press 2 to add money", "enter your phone number and PIN", and "enter your credit card number". It's a hassle, but OK.

Then Rogers decided to "personalize" this service. After that, when I wanted to add money to my account I was greeted by "Melanie" or "Emily" or whoever, who was to guide me through the process of adding money. I had to say aloud, "I want to add money to my account". But if I didn't speak this clearly enough, I had to repeat it over and over. While I was still allowed to type my phone number, I had to listen to "Melanie" repeat it over really slowly and then ask, "Is this correct? Say 'yes' or 'no'."
Me: "Yeah"
Melanie: "I'm sorry! I didn't hear that! Did you say 'yes'?"
Me: "Yes"
Melanie: "Will you be paying by a credit card or a phone card?"
Me: "credit card"
Melanie: "I'm sorry! I didn't hear that! Did you say 'credit card'?"
Me: "yes"
Melanie: "Please say or type your credit card number."

So I type it. But since she didn't finish "talking" my number gets cut off.

Melanie: "I'm sorry! I didn't hear that! Please say or type your credit card number."

Inevitably, I'd end up not being able to finish my transaction without being forwarded to a real human being anyway, because all the cues were so weird, and you're unable to forward ahead and interrupt "Melanie" to speed things along.

I don't understand the logic of this. Anyone with half a brain knows they are not speaking to a real human anyway. Is giving the name, "Melanie" to the robot you're speaking to and allowing you to say your commands any better? Especially when you can't say them in any old way but have to say them in the way Rogers anticipated them being said? At least if I press 2, all phones can recognize it. If I speak anything to those automated fake humans I invariably have to repeat it anyway, making the whole experience way worse than it was when they were honest about it being automated!

[ 19 June 2005: Message edited by: kurichina ]

(For me, a further problem with the Bell robot-lady is that she sounds exactly like one of the managing editors I used to work for.)

The phone-rage button especially gets pressed, though, I think, when I'm trying to do something multi-staged and need to keep calling back -- only to find that I am starting all over again with the entire maze, never able just to recall the last effective human I talked to.