And then it was full on summer and I was lucky enough to have a friend with a cottage and some idea of all the free stuff there is to do around here, and I had a blast. During the blast, though, I lost a whole bunch of momentum, got bored at work, and ignored "The Big Question", which is: what am I doing here (as in, on Earth, with my life, etc...).

So now it's properly fall, nearly a year since I moved here, and my life is mostly routine: subway-work-subway-home-subway-work and so on. I have but a very few friends other than my boyfriend, and I have a little more perspective on what it is to be living here in Toronto.

It's a really big city. I find it intimidating and scary often. Most of the time it's extremely demanding of my energy, my money, my emotional stamina, and my vigilance.

I want to find a way to make it easier to live here. I want to make it a better, more positive experience than what it's become in the last few months. I know I won't live here for more than a few years, so it's important to me to make the most of it.

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Most of the time it's extremely demanding of my energy, my money, my emotional stamina, and my vigilance.

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No kidding. I grew up in Toronto, and when I come home for holidays, I often get depressed. Everything is so far away and expensive and blah blah blah. People are snottier, too, although not as snotty as we're sometimes told we are.

I don't think it's really that dangerous, though. Certainly, I don't feel I need to be more vigilant there than I do here in Halifax.

I'm still working on all this myself (growing up in Toronto private-school circles, especially those affiliated with a certain very Darwinian school *cough*UTS*cough*, I became convinced that I was a dumb, awkward, poorly dressed little failure and the entire city hated my guts), but I'd recommend you try to find free or cheap things that you like to do. Go to the islands and the parks. Adopt a hangout, maybe a coffee shop, and go there and read or write or whatever. Go to the Annex - friendliest neighbourhood in the city, IMHO (I'm from the Beaches, with which I have some serious issues).

Now I'm living in the wild's of Scarberia, and my one of my top goals in life is to find a decent enough part-time job while I'm in school that I can afford to rent out space downtown to spend a few days in per week. Safety, well lets just say you have to be careful, but I feel more scared here in the burbs than I would downtown (unless I see the police of course!)

I do enjoy my quiet space in Scarberia, it's really nice not having to hear a firetruck zooming along every hour, but I miss the energy of the people. Heck! I miss seeing people. I miss the dog park, the fact that my convenience store was really convenient, outdoor cafes, protests, movie screenings, line ups, artsy fartsy people, smelling mary jane every few blocks, dodging kids (I rarely see them in my neighbourhood), video stores OTHER than Blockbuster, the Village, little Italy, little India, Chinatowns, individual stores instead of chains and big boxes, Goodwill, street sales, craft shows, talking with drug users and prostitutes, social action, political action, city hall, Jebus, you name it, I miss it!

Friends are a definite plus into making life a lot more fun in Toronto. I love going shopping with my best friend wherever we pick up. Going to "alternative" craft shows/movies/rallies always leaves me with a great vibe, leaning to go with the flow (so to speak) is a real biggie I think-it's almost something you either pick up or don't. Do some volunteer work, join a board a non-profit or charity, grassroots organisations will always have work for volunteers and you will make really good friends there to boot.

In February, when I was still really new here, I took a writing class, and that's where I met my first Toronto friend. Other than that class, the only people I've met have been friends of the few people that I know here. It's been a real challenge, and I'm often sorta dully lonely, though I try not to dwell on it. For Christmas this year, my parents are going to pay for the registration fee into another class (photography this time, I think) and maybe that'll be a new opportunity to meet some people.

I have also looked into some volunteer opportunities, but haven't really found much that I was interested in AND also fit into my schedule. I have a long commute to and from work, which really cuts down on my free time on weeknights. I'm working on this still, and hopefully I'll figure something out soon.

I'm lucky to live in a neighborhood where everything I need and want to do is within walking (or TTCing) distance. I just wish that I didn't work so bloody far away! It's in my long term plan to begin a new work search after Christmas, and one of the criteria for the new job will be closer proximity to home, for sure.

I have checked out a lot of the free stuff there is to do here (thank heavens for the Harbourfront Centre!!) and a lot of the other things y'all suggested, but there are some other things mentioned that I'll check out in the future.

I think more than anything, these days I'm really missing the sunshine and open spaces of my hometown. Edmonton is just way sunnier and more spread out (not necessarily a good thing, I know). I tend to feel claustrophobic a lot around here, but there's nothing I can really do about that except for frequent trips to the park, I think.

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.... how long did it take you before you started to feel really comfortable and happy in your new place?

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Depends on the place and one's mind-set. Vancouver, about five minutes - it just happened to be in synch with me at the time, and i found a place to live that was enough Toronto-like and had the right class-structure, architecture, number of friendly dogs per block, ratio of trees to parking places to make me feel at home. (Still, i had lots of dreams, in the first few months, wherein i went home on the subway.)

L.A., a couple of weeks. Given the non-expectation of staying very long. See, what you have to do in LA is decide at the outset whether you're a stayer or a transient. As a transient, i was quite happy. As a stayer, i might have opted for psychic reconstruction, suicide or Oregon.

Winnipeg, about a year. In May, it's wonderful. I mean, really wonderful. You fall in love with the laughing poplars, the big sky, the cute tea-shops. In October, you learn to appreciate neighbours, restaurants and the ballet. In February, you fall in hate with the bus service, the snow-removal (Ha!), the gas-delivery, and everybody in general. In March, you learn the value of hope and faith.

In Creemore, two or three months. Doesn't matter which months: they're all beautiful. You find your way to the IGA, bookstore, restaurant, liquor store, medical center and barber-shop in the first two weeks. In the next three or four months, you find all the impossible, impassable, unbelievable back roads. Then you figure out which groups of people accept newcomers and which will always subtly exclude you.

In the country, one is not anonymous. I like that. I find it very secure. I do not live in the village but am involved in the activities.

No homesickness for the city. Just to add, here when one goes shopping there is always someone one knows. Everybody seems to smile. Different.

[ November 13, 2002: Message edited by: clersal ]

It took about a year to make a circle of friends in Ottawa when I lived there as well. Guelph was easy cause i was in residence first.

Lima, let me know if you ever want to grab a beer, I'd love to show you my excellent neighbourhood, that is really friendly. Apparently our dog park is the much friendlier than the Annex, a friend just moved back from down there. He said people were too chillier. I have got the vibe that people think if you don't live in the annex you just aren't cool. the Beaches was great, I lived there for awhile as well.

This has been my anchor in new places. I talk to people in doctors' waiting rooms, art exhibits, bus shelters, grocery stores, libraries, craft fairs, garage sales... anywhere. Even if it's just to say "Cool hat!" or "Which way to...?" You speak to someone, and you immediately realize that people are the same everywhere. You can have a moment of perfect understanding with someone you've never seen before and will probably never see again: at that moment, it's enough to keep you going. In TO, those moments mostly happen right after bad snowstorms, when everyone feels vulnerable and in need of emotional support from their species.

[ November 14, 2002: Message edited by: nonesuch ]

I don't have a car so I walk everywhere unless it's far enough to warrant TTC fare. My neighborhood is great for little shops and cafes, but I'm not very good at talking to strangers just yet. I'm still pretty nervous about the creepos out there, despite all the assurance people have offered me that this isn't a dangerous city.

I'm also just trying to hold on to a more holistic perspective on my time here so far. I lived in Edmonton for all my life before I moved out here, so of course it was easier there! If I look at the big picture, I've done fairly well as a new Torontonian, I think. As well as one could really hope, I might say, considering I only knew two people in the whole city on the day I arrived, and I didn't have a job or any idea about how to get around or anything!

It's easy to lose my handle on that thought, though, and then I feel blue again for a while. For now, though, I feel pretty good. It was nice to get all the tips from fellow babblers about how to enjoy myself here. Thanks all!

I love the city, live downtown in a neighbourhood where my parents, grand-parents, great-grandparents all lived. We don't own a car, walk everywhere (or TTC it, although we really don't go many places that arn't walkable).

And Toronto is pretty safe, with only a few areas of any real concern, it, like any city, can be really intimidating. My only advice there are some real jewel's of neighbourhoods outside those typically mentioned, like the Annex, Yorkville, Beach, Cabbagetown.