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Last week, two sociologists at the University of Virginia published an exhaustive study of marital happiness among women that challenges this assumption. Stay-at-home wives, according to the authors, are more content than their working counterparts. And happiness, they found, has less to do with division of labor than with the level of commitment and "emotional work" men contribute (or are perceived to contribute). But the most interesting data may be that the women who strongly identify as progressive—the 15 percent who agree most with feminist ideals—have a harder time being happy than their peers, according to evidence that has been provided exclusively to Slate. Feminist ideals, not domestic duties, seem to be what make wives morose. Progressive married women—who should be enjoying some or all of the fruits that Freidan lobbied for—are less happy, it would appear, than women who live as if Friedan never existed.

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[ 07 March 2006: Message edited by: Stargazer ]

Otherwise, I think that O'Rourke has run through the many factors that might be operative here. And studies like this are always a little hard to draw conclusions from anyway. I mean, maybe what this study shows us is just how differently various groups of women answer questions about happiness?

I thought this was an interesting observation:

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It may be, too, that traditional marriage today is happier than it was, thanks to feminism. Traditionalists have been able to maintain the pre-Freidan goals, but all the societal movement in the other direction has had a freeing effect on their marriages, too. (That is, Dad still works and Mom stays at home, but thanks to the general liberalizing of society, Dad can feel OK about helping more at home and Mom can feel OK about having a chance to work more, too.) In other words, their goal has stayed the same (that is, maintaining traditional marriage roles), but they can pursue it under much less draconian circumstances. No wonder they're happier. They're free-riders on the women's movement (though they'd deny it), whereas feminists have descended into a tangle of second guesses and contradictions.

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What is left out of both lines of argument are the strange ways that rising expectations play into happiness. [....] A progressive-minded woman doesn't just have higher expectations; she's more likely to pay attention to every setback, and see her husband's failure to listen at dinner as evidence of larger inequity.

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This whole phenomenon reminds me of studies that show the more educated a woman is - the more likely she is to suffer from post-partum depression. We learn more, we expect more, we aspire to more than other women would. I truly feel that I know too much. I think about everything ad infinitum and yes, I am constantly finding gender imbalance in my marriage even though my relationship is fairly unconventional.

These past few years I've felt like I chose to take the red pill instead of the blue pill. I know more of the truth but wish I could go back to blissful ignorance. I really think I'd be happier and more content with my place in the world.

Thanks for posting this article. I'll be thinking about it all day. And I'll ask my spouse to read it too.

[ 07 March 2006: Message edited by: Accidental Altruist ]

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Originally posted by Eurobest:
you are already equal! so stop crying

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Originally posted by MartinArendt:

Er, did you even read the posts above yours?

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Originally posted by Mush:
Hardly surprising. I've been saying to people for years that getting a degree in sociology ruined my life. Ignorance is bliss, no? I'd also be happier if I'd never heard of George Bush. Not smarter, but happier.

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This reminds me of the Story of the Good Brahmin.

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Women have entered the workforce, but men still haven't picked up the domestic slack—working wives continue to do 70 percent or more of the housework, according to one study. If you work hard and come home and find you have to do much more than your husband does, it's little wonder that you would be angry and frustrated.

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I argued that in another thread (essentially saying that men and women will never be equal in the workplace until there are as many men staying home with babies as there are women.

Now, I'm not sure that that is literally true or necessary. But, I am confident of saying that an equal division of domenstic responsibilities is something that must occur before men and women will ever be equal in the workplace.

ETA: Although I will note that the article disagrees with that.

[ 27 March 2006: Message edited by: Sven ]

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Originally posted by skdadl:
It's probably worth noting that a high percentage of people are moderately unhappy about their work, for various reasons, so that would be a factor too.

Otherwise, I think that O'Rourke has run through the many factors that might be operative here. And studies like this are always a little hard to draw conclusions from anyway. I mean, maybe what this study shows us is just how differently various groups of women answer questions about happiness?

I thought this was an interesting observation:

And from my memory of "traditional" marriages of the 1940s and 1950s, that would make sense.

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I may have issues with one or two ranters, defining where they cross the line, but I want to tell you that outing these reactionaries is an essential job and you do marvelous work.

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Originally posted by Cueball:

A friend of mine, no Marxist by any means, just became the senior partner in her law firm. She now runs the show. She said Marx was right about ownership of the means of production and she does not feel alienated at all anymore.

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One of my earliest 'serious' jobs was with a genteel non-profit outfit. I worked for a single woman (she was 45ish at the time). The pay was bad, but, as I said, it was genteel. This woman came from the upper middle class. She had two sisters. One married and moved out. The woman I worked for and the other sister did not. The sister worked for the provincial government, another apparently OK job.

These two single working women lived with their mother. GET IT? Before feminism, women got married, or never left the family home.

Before feminism, it was not cool or possible for women to work for a living wage, live alone, be independent, borrow money, etc. etc. etc. etc.

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Originally posted by simonvallee:
My dog is very happy being the way she is, even though she's practically a slave, is unable to operate any of the technology we have (she can't even open the door where we keep her candy-bones, though she surely would want to) and if she wants to go anywhere she has to pester us about it until we take her there.

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Originally posted by Brett Mann:
A line from "Masked and Anonymous", a movie by Bob Dylan : "The more you know, the more you'll suffer."

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Misunderstanding
by Irving Layton

I placed
my hand
upon
her thigh.

By the way
she moved
away
I could see
her devotion
to literature
was not
perfect.

Published in 'The Blasted Pine' (1967); F. R. Scott & A. J. M. Smith, eds

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If you don't ask questions about your condition in life and simply accept it as it goes without thinking about the limitations, taking a lot of pleasure in every small happiness, you'll be content because your standards will be low. If you keep thinking about what's right, what's wrong, analyze everything in details and doubt often if not systemically... then you'll not be very happy. I think that's the reason of this study's results.

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Originally posted by skdadl:
Head Pooh-bah

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Originally posted by Martha (but not Stewart):

Perhaps you are assuming that women in `traditional' marriages do not ask questions about their condition in life, do not keep thinking about what's right, do not analyze everything in detail, and so on.

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It's not merely women in "traditional marriages" but women that take the "traditional" role wherein they are almost subservient to their husbands, stay at home and do not aspire to much more than to make good food and keep the house tidy. They're less annoyed by the implication of the man in the family life because their conception of marriage is that they do the schooling and take care of the home, and he works outside. They don't question if that situation is correct, if it is fair, they do not question their role, they simply accept it as natural.

But there was exactly one paragraph that I found to be mostly true:

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It may be, too, that traditional marriage today is happier than it was, thanks to feminism. Traditionalists have been able to maintain the pre-Freidan goals, but all the societal movement in the other direction has had a freeing effect on their marriages, too. (That is, Dad still works and Mom stays at home, but thanks to the general liberalizing of society, Dad can feel OK about helping more at home and Mom can feel OK about having a chance to work more, too.) In other words, their goal has stayed the same (that is, maintaining traditional marriage roles), but they can pursue it under much less draconian circumstances. No wonder they're happier. They're free-riders on the women's movement (though they'd deny it), whereas feminists have descended into a tangle of second guesses and contradictions.

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