I'm a pretty nurturing and compassionate person and so when people around me are feeling bad, I generally make a pretty big effort to help them feel better, in whatever way I can. Lately I've been feeling pretty bad myself, and I'm finding that I don't really have anyone like me around to look to for support or coddling or even to make me a pot of tea. My boyfriend's very sweet and will give me all the hugs I need, but it's not quite the same thing. Last night he said that if I could think of anything I'd like him to do, he'd gladly do it, but didn't really offer anything or do anything on his own. Of course, my pride wouldn't really let me ask him for anything, and I was a little irritated with him for putting it to me that way in the first place.

Because you see, last week, when he was the one with the cold, I drew him a hot bath and brought him a cup of tea and made a nice dinner (and all without him asking me to), because I thought it would help. Is it so unrealistic to think that he would remember that, and do something similar for me?

Will they ever learn?

[ November 01, 2002: Message edited by: Lima Bean ]

Now after seventeen years of marriage he is getting pretty good at it.

It's very frustrating.

But heck, at least your partner offered to do whatever you want him to do to make you feel better when you're sick. I used to do the same thing with my ex when he got sick and whined all day about how miserable he was - try to do things like bringing him orange juice, keeping the baby quiet, rubbing his back, etc.

But when I got sick - first of all, he never NOTICED, and secondly, if I mentioned that I had a headache or a stomach ache, he would immediately get a pained expression on his face and say, "Oh, me too. I've had a headache since last night. It hurts a lot." It used to piss me off royally. Finally I told him one day, "You know, just ONE TIME, I would like to be able to be sick without you trying to one-up me." I don't think he even realized he was doing it until I said that. Heh. Heaven forbid he should have to think about anyone but himself.

Your honey needs some training from 'lance or some other enlightened man. You're right: we women shouldn't have to do ALL the training. (I'd let you borrow RFL, but he's busy with the vacuuming at the moment.)

Attention men reading this thread:

Heavens to Betsy, what are you waiting for? Go offer your partner a) a foot rub with peppermint cream, b) a cup of flowery golden darjeeling tea, c) an assortment of godiva or callebaut chocolates, and d) are you getting the idea?

The issue is that 'lance is a joy and a dear and must he walk about in that sexy silky slinky robe!??

Where did we keep the dish detergent in the pinko penthouse, anyway?

Please recall study released recently (which I cannot find online except for this brief mention) which seems to suggest something or other.

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HAPPINESS IS RIGHT AMOUNT OF HOUSEWORK
Canadian men are more content with their lives when they undertake more housework, including laundry, ironing the housecleaning, according to a new Statistics Canada report. The U of A’s Janet Fast is a co-author of the study and is quoted.

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!!

Honey, we've caused extreme thread drift again, and this time without lubricants!

And as I type this, he's at the laundromat with weeks and weeks worth of cruddy duds. What a man!

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Where did we keep the dish detergent in the pinko penthouse, anyway?

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Honey, we've caused extreme thread drift again, and this time without lubricants!

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Hmmph. Well, as Tonto said to the Lone Ranger on the cover of the old album I had as a kid... "What do you mean we, paleface?" (My dear gril, were you even aware that there was dish detergent in the pinko penthouse?)

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Kindly return to discussing whether men could possibly be as fabulous as women.

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When HE's sick he's likely putting up with the fresh bedding and tea pots and hot baths and foot rubs thinking, "I wish this woman would just leave me alone in my bed with crumpled sheets in a cold sloppy room."

Therefore, the fact that he's sitting out there watching TV munching junk food is really his way of giving you what would make HIM happiest, and therefore he's really saying "Love YA".

Now that I'm in a better mood, it seems that he is actually very thoughtful and affectionate. I had a pretty lousy attitude last week. My excuse is that I had his cold...

[ November 04, 2002: Message edited by: Lima Bean ]

The blond guy is pretty good in this respect. He cleans without being asked (especially the kitchen), brings me coffee in bed, makes breakfast for the kids, cooks, laundry and the rest. It comes to half and half on the chore front. And when I'm sick, he keeps the kids from jumping on my head, makes me hot lemonade, gives me back rubs, heats up the hot packs and gives much sympathy. He's very good at anticipating what I want. I don't think I've ever had to ask.

He claims to have a PHd in "pleasant surprises". I believe him.

The worst I get on the traditional business is from his mother, who asks for "the boss" on the telephone (and is genuinely surprised when I answer "Yes?"), refers to me as Mrs K---- (I have my own name, and I am a Ms) and does not seem to understand that, although my office is located in the house, I really do work for a living. Ah, well, she's 83...

It can be aggravating how women get the caregiver thing handed to them. We more or less split it now, but when the babies were small, it was kind of my job of necessity (being the one with the boobs and all), and sometimes I am the one who has to point out what I think is obvious -- like, did he brush their hair before taking them out? Stuff like that.

Funny thing, the wee grils godparents are a couple where, if anything happened to us parental units, godpapa would be the primary caregiver, hands down. It would just be a natural fit.

[ November 06, 2002: Message edited by: Zoot Capri ]

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The worst I get on the traditional business is from his mother, who asks for "the boss" on the telephone (and is genuinely surprised when I answer "Yes?"), refers to me as Mrs K---- (I have my own name, and I am a Ms) and does not seem to understand that, although my office is located in the house, I really do work for a living. Ah, well, she's 83...

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Organic beef, eh? Good for you! We had to look high and low for an organic farmer the last time we bought a side of beef.

Given the nature of farming, often being a family business, you'd think they'd clue in that you're a partner, not an employee. Must be frustrating.

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I am a little woman... But I'm a damned bossy little woman!

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Usually a good, pointed verbal ping snaps 'em out of it, though.

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I'm also an artist so I think there are some parallels between the art world and the film world. The art world certainly has an old tradition of being an old boys club, but they've made some advances. Now women don't usually make 1/3 what male artists make-it's over half now

Yup, in Saskatchewan. Mental. I know it. Can't help it.

It's definitely an old boys' club, and it is getting better. Slowly. I'm happy to see more and more young women in broadcaster positions, because the middle-aged white guys are a bitch to pitch to. Most of 'em, anyway.

I recently watched a documentary about the documentary filmaker Errol Morris. I'd highly recommend it. Don't know if you're familiar with his work but he's made documentaries on electric chair makers, pet semetaries, and an assortment of bizarre subjects. He had something called an interritron? I think it was called-which consisted of twenty cameras set up in a room so he could interview people by looking right in their eyes but not stand in front of them. It's hard to explain the set up.

I dabble in almost all mediums-paint, photography, sculpture, video, sound art,earthworks-but mostly photography lately. In between looking after my brothers "wee gril" and putbe who currently has another code. I rarely get sick so if I thought of "keeping score" on who gets more comforting when sick, I'd be sicker.

The man at home does a whole lot. He always cleans the bathroom -we don't even have a toilet brush-, does the dishes most of the time, does the laundry, cleans the cat box, and most often has breakfast waiting for me when I wake up on the weekends, coffee and cereal on weekdays, and usually has supper ready when I get home.

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I don't thing it's bragging, I think it's good to be honest, so that we all know there IS a diverse array of men out there.

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Oh, I'm bragging. I know it. A guilty pleasure of mine. I am inordinately proud of the blond guy and have to watch out for unrestrained hubris from time to time.

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I dabble in almost all mediums-paint, photography, sculpture, video, sound art,earthworks-but mostly photography lately. In between looking after my brothers "wee gril" and putbe who currently has another code.

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Very cool. Still photography is also a hobby of mine. I just took a workshop on hand-processing 8mm and 16mm motion footage, and it's not much different than doing stills, until you come to the drying. That can be a challenge.

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I've hand processed 8mm film several times and it came out very scratched. With certain projects that's a very interesting effect, but sometimes the scratching can be a distraction. One of the chemicals was quite toxic-we had to be very careful. But I have a bunch of outdated 8 and 16mm film that I will just experiment and have some fun with. I have a domestically based project I work on from time to time. My family is comfortable with me filming them (with limits). I think some of my best work has come from experimenting.

[ November 06, 2002: Message edited by: Terry J ]

There's two ways to go about hand-processing, the first is a dip and dunk method, the other uses a reel setup that keeps the film separated and helps distribute the chemicals a little more evenly. A Russian tank, I think they call it, but you can just use the reel and develop in tubs instead of the tank. I'm thinking of looking for one on eBay.

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There's two ways to go about hand-processing, the first is a dip and dunk method, the other uses a reel setup that keeps the film separated and helps distribute the chemicals a little more evenly. A Russian tank, I think they call it, but you can just use the reel and develop in tubs instead of the tank.

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My next one (after I finish the current project) involves nude studies done in different months of my last pregnancy.

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What medium are you thinking of using? It’s interesting that women were not supposed to be seen in public after about the seventh month of pregnancy. In some circles this is still the norm. I’m thinking here of some royalty. Who knows what the thinking is/was. Might cause some riots or something.

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I’ve used the tubs for processing the film. It’s been awhile since I’ve hand-processed film but one of the steps was to expose the film to light. Do you remove the film from the reels to expose it to light, or does it get enough exposure in the reels?

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The film is separated in the reel, which is clear plastic and isn't solid-sided. So light exposure isn't a problem. Or you can process for negative without the light exposure (that's a reversal process). I'm inclined to develop for negative so I don't have to mess with the second light exposure and then get a spot scan to edit on a digital suite, then get the final cut reverse-telecine-ed (sp?) back onto film. Much less expensive that way. Although one could telecine reversal, too.

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We still don't represent pregnant women in a powerful, beautiful, awesome light like we should. That's part of the impetus for the project.

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Does the film get very scratched when loading onto the reel? I have several rolls of reversal, but I'm not sure what a spot-scan is. I made a digital videotape of my hand processed film the first time I ran it through the projector.

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Sorry, flying spot scan is a type of telecine. I get it done at a lab so it can be time-coded on the tape. Usually do the scan to Beta SP because the decks are more reliable than the DV deck for some reason... Will probably change as DV improves.

Scratches are almost non-existant with the reel set-up. You bend the film end so it anchor at the middle of the reel, and there are ridges that hold the film in place as you wind it in. The scratches happen mostly when the film scratches against itself while being dunked.