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Topic: Is France a "Sexy" country?
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dugger
recent-rabble-rouser
Babbler # 11164
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posted 05 December 2005 06:55 PM
Travel Advisory for FranceDisclaimer, for the humor-challenged: This is a joke! The following advisory for American travelers heading for France was compiled from information provided by the U.S. State Department, the Central Intelligence Agency, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Center for Disease Control and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about. It is intended as a guide for American travelers only and no guarantee of accuracy is ensured or intended.
General Overview France is a medium-sized foreign country situated on the continent of Europe, and is for all intents and purposes, completely useless. It is an important member of the world community, although not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular consequence or shopping opportunities. France is a very old country with many treasures such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions to Western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese, the guillotine, and body odor. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used. It is also next to impossible to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that the people willfully persist in speaking French, although many will speak English, if shouted at repeatedly.
The People France has a population of 54 million people, most of whom drink and smoke a great deal, drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed and have no concept of standing patiently in a line. The French people are generally gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and undisciplined. Those are their good points. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, although you'd hardly guess it from their behavior. Many people are Communists and topless sunbathing is common. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie and they kiss each other when they hand out medals. All French women don't shave their armpits. American travelers are advised to travel in groups and to wear baseball caps and colorful pants for easier mutual recognition.
Safety In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers are advised that France is occasionally invaded by Germany. By tradition, the French surrender more or less at once and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the visitors generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connection France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London.
History
France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport. The French armies of the past have had their asses kicked by just about every other country in the world.
Government
The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held more or less continuously and always result in a run-off. For administrative purposes, the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, cantons, communes, villages, cafes, booths and floor tiles. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower (although, confusingly, they are both on the ground floor). Members are either Gaullists or communists, neither of whom can be trusted. Parliament's principal preoccupations are setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific and acting indignant when anyone complains. According to the most current State Department intelligence, the current President is someone named Jacques. Further information is not available at this time.
Culture
The French pride themselves on their culture, although it is not easy to see why. All of their songs sound the same and they have hardly ever made a movie that you want to watch for anything except the nude scenes. Nothing, of course, is more boring than a French novel (except perhaps an evening with a French family.)
Cuisine
Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants, on the other hand, are excellent, although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. American travelers are therefore advised to stick to cheeseburgers at McDonald's or the restaurants at the leading hotels, such as Sheraton or Holiday Inn. Bring your own beer, as the domestic varieties are nothing but a poor excuse for such.
Economy
France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's economy in Europe, which is surprising since people hardly ever work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, high-caliber weaponry, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.
Conclusion
France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if French people didn't inhabit it, and it weren't still radioactive from all the nuclear tests they run. The best thing that can be said for it is that it is not Germany. Remember that no one ordered you to go abroad. Personally we always take our vacation in Miami Beach and you are advised to do the same. Thank you and good luck.
From: ontario | Registered: Nov 2005
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outlandist
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 10253
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posted 06 December 2005 02:06 AM
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."---Mark Twain "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." -- Norman Schwartzkopf
From: ontario | Registered: Aug 2005
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Fidel
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 5594
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posted 06 December 2005 03:50 AM
You'll find a little bit of Paris in Montreal and become infatuated with just about every woman you see. The French are beautiful, sexy and they know you know it.  The "Marseillaise" anthem plays on Love, Love, Love (x 3) There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothin' you can sing that can't be sung
Nothin' you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy...
From: Viva La Revolución | Registered: Apr 2004
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Geneva
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 3808
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posted 06 December 2005 11:07 AM
I live in France, 2nd time round here since the 1970s, and as to the lead post's query, Is it a sex-positive country?I dunno, they talk a good game -- but women I know complain about pushy men a lot, really relentless sometimes, and also about other women being far too demure and kittenish if it suits them. --Not like northern Europe, that's for sure, for better and worse. A Frenchwoman I know who lived in the Netherlands said the concept of seduction and pursuit as she knew it barely existed among the Dutch. One thing I noticed recently: a French satiric mag had a feature look at the "asexuality" movement, which of course originated in the Anglo world, has a web site and everything, ""Aven"" something, and the commentary was not curious but scandalized and very hostile. -- It was like these people were attacking or insulting them somehow ... What does this conceal ??  [ 06 December 2005: Message edited by: Geneva ]
From: um, well | Registered: Feb 2003
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lagatta
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 2534
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posted 06 December 2005 11:15 AM
I've lived in France as well, and in Italy. The pushy machism does get annoying (though now I'm of an age where that is less of a problem, but alas there are fewer wanted overtures as well)  . But I find North American men just as annoying with their passive-agressive behaviour, their silence for one thing. (Here I am using very broad strokes and generalisations - I know a lot of fortunate exceptions to both of the above forms of macho behaviour). I can see why the concept of asexuality (as opposed to chastity for whatever reason) would be toxic in Latin cultures. I find it a cover for deep-seated psychological problems. No, I don't mean mandatory sexual activity (BWAGA would forbid that) but not seeing the sexual component to human and other mammalian life as an essential part of our nature.
From: Se non ora, quando? | Registered: Apr 2002
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Rufus Polson
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 3308
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posted 07 December 2005 06:52 PM
When I was vacationing in France a couple years ago, what got me was their Jerry-Springer-wannabe show. At night in the hotel room we'd watch a bit of French TV, and they had this show that was clearly modelled after Jerry Springer, where they'd have these people with scandalous problems and the audience would ooh and aah in horror and stuff. It was on constantly. And what really amazed me was that it was so tame. Not to say lame. It was like, this girl had been seeing some guy, except then she met some other guy and started seeing him and didn't tell the first one, and the first guy was all mad . . . and apparently the French, of all people, considered this to be scandalous. Wha?? According to the reputation and the movies, that's supposed to be, like, what I did this morning down at the bistro for your typical French people.
I think they're way stodgier than they're willing to admit to themselves.[ 07 December 2005: Message edited by: Rufus Polson ]
From: Caithnard College | Registered: Nov 2002
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