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A 'tighter vagina' is important enough to make or break a relationship!

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relive that first night sensation!

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No. Metal Tested Poison Act 1952 Requirements Results Notes
1. Arsenic (AS), µg/g less than 5 less than 0.05 Comply
2. Lead (Pb), µg/g less than 10 less than 0.02 Comply
3. Mercury (Hg), µg/g less than 0.5 less than 0.01 Comply

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You will be able to increase your partner's sexual pleasures during intercourse by giving him a 'tighter grip'. You will become a better sex partner for him, hence, keeping him satisfied and loyal.

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Are there other benefits from Harmony Cream?
Harmony Cream does not only tighten the inner tissue and skin of the vagina, but it also delays menopause, improves internal injuries, piles, swollen gums, chap lips, mouth ulcer and small cuts. Harmony Cream also aids minor ailments such as colds, headaches, body aches, bloated tummy and more.

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BARF!

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"I just had my first child. Harmony Cream was so helpful in healing the wounds from childbirth and of course it also restored my inner beauty."
Pn. Shahrizat, Brunei

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All you need is 20 seconds to improve your life forever.

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In related news, I've been working at a place where I monitor an e-mail account that is a public contact address. I get about 50 penis enlargement ads a day in it.

One of them claims that your partner will be so thrilled with the results that she might invite her best friends over to see it!

I thought, yeah, that'll happen.

[ 22 July 2003: Message edited by: Michelle ]

That's what I was going to point out, this is no more silly than the ads in the backs of mens magazines, especially body-building mags, promising you:

"Longer! Thicker! Rigid manhoods! Guaranteed to make any woman sleep with you!"

What silly monkeys we are sometimes.

On a serious note, the c-section rate in urban Brazil is around 50% because private health care pushes it as a way to:

"Keep your vagina honeymoon fresh!"

But hang on, you guys. I was gonna laugh too, but then I got to that part about swollen gums. I mean, swollen gums are no laughing matter, and if this stuff works on swollen gums, then it could be a real boon to humankind.

And skdadl! Snake oil! How could you doubt the indubitable Dr. Johnson? (I'm still laughing over that one - I can't believe I didn't catch that the first time I read the page...)

[ 22 July 2003: Message edited by: Michelle ]

"A 'tighter vagina' is important enough to make or break a relationship!"

Oh yeah, if it's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, no matter how nice or wonderful she is, she's SO dumped.

Mohd Johari, Singapore
"Tighter passage, supple tissues, it even works for cuts. I am happy with the product! Can you imagine how my wife swears by Harmony Cream now?"

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Originally posted by Doug:
Oh yeah, if it's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway,

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are there application forms to apply for the testing job, i know a few friends who would be VERY interested

[ 23 July 2003: Message edited by: statica ]

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Originally posted by Mycroft:
This is why it's very important to have one's "personal" products clearly labelled. Imagine the havoc if a man using penis enlargement cream and a woman using vagina tightening cream accidentally got their products mixed up and the guy ended up with a tight penis and the woman with an enlarged vagina?

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Or worse, he uses his enlargement cream and she uses her tightening cream and they get stuck together.

By the way, here are some other silly personal products culled from my blog entries:

http://www.sweetrelease.com
http://www.manties.net/
http://www.virginme.com/

[ 23 July 2003: Message edited by: Doug ]

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The female formula of Sweet Release™ changes her fluids to a delicious soft citrus flavor and the men’s formula changes his fluids to a wonderful crisp hard apple. Sweet Release™ adds the incomparable taste and scent of succulent fruit to our oral sex lives.

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Originally posted by Michelle:
I just choked on my milk. I didn't notice that!

In related news, I've been working at a place where I monitor an e-mail account that is a public contact address. I get about 50 penis enlargement ads a day in it.

One of them claims that your partner will be so thrilled with the results that she might invite her best friends over to see it!

I thought, yeah, that'll happen.

[ 22 July 2003: Message edited by: Michelle ]

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Really? I've been considering responding to the ads that promise that I will go up AT LEAST 1 or 2 cup sizes

Yeah like I really need that

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I should read this every night before bed.

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(from sweet release)

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His orgasms became operatic and very vocal.

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I was very surprised that my husband found it to be quite tasty. He said it was like having dessert after dessert.

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And I have had veracious veins for about 15 years; I even had surgery to strip some of the bad veins about 5 years ago. Over the last 6 weeks, I have watched the veracious veins shrink over 60%.

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This is why it's very important to have one's "personal" products clearly labelled. Imagine the havoc if a man using penis enlargement cream and a woman using vagina tightening cream accidentally got their products mixed up and the guy ended up with a tight penis and the woman with an enlarged vagina?

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Lord have mercy

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Originally posted by Mr. Magoo:
I knew a guy who would wear as many as 5 condoms simultaneously, for that very reason. Apparently it gave him staying power well into the minutes.

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Poor guy. I also can't think the people he was with were too impressed as he put one condom over another over another over another...

My personal favourite is the VirginMe site, since it's wrong in so many different ways.

"DOCTOR-APPROVED Scientific Breakthrough that will transform a Non-Virgin girl into a complete virgin! Experience the pain and bleeding on the first night as if you were a real virgin!"

Oh joy.

"In some religious societies, including Muslims, Hindus and many others (societies which constitute 57% of the world's population), a girl who loses her virginity before marriage gets divorced after the first night—if she is lucky enough not to receive the death penalty. This situation reveals a very obvious point: that men respect and prefer a virgin girl to a non-virgin.

Because we live in a modern and more liberal society, your husband may not reveal to you his anger and sadness if he discovers that you're not a virgin; but forever after, he'll experience the pain of distrust in his heart, and you will never be able to win all his trust. Never!"

"We guarantee:

1. Your vagina will become tighter than a virgin's.
2. You will feel the pain during sex.
3. Blood will come out and will stick to his penis on the first night after using the formula.
4. The blood will be exactly the same as that of a virgin, even containing real pieces of hymen tissue. (Of course it will not be your real blood or real hymen pieces)"

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Hard apple, that's right.

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Originally posted by Gir Draxon:
Really? I've been considering responding to the ads that promise that I will go up AT LEAST 1 or 2 cup sizes

Yeah like I really need that

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Originally posted by 'lance:

I dunno, the only breed of hard apple I can think of off-hand is the Granny Smith, which is somehow not a name that, er, floats my boat...

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Originally posted by lagatta:
Yeah, along with all the penis expansion spam, and a very strange one on foreskin restoration , I've received a couple on enlarging the bustline.

I'd fall over.

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There's a smarmy joke here, or at least a bad pickup line.

But then I thought, "this is the feminism thread". And then I thought, "but hey, the girls have been making tit jokes all day." But then I thought, "but are the rules different because I'm male?" Then I realised that my sense of humour was kaput....

Q. How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. That's not funny.

[ 23 July 2003: Message edited by: Courage ]

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

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Originally posted by Doug:

4. The blood will be exactly the same as that of a virgin, even containing real pieces of hymen tissue. (Of course it will not be your real blood or real hymen pieces)"

Eeeeeeewww!

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"I must confess that I have gone completely mad as I have manipulated myself ceaselessly, though not without unending pleasure. I doubt ifI ever enjoyed myself as much during teenage years when the little tiddler had a lot of exercise.A spin off has been that I am now developing a fore-skin in the flaccid state, Admittedly it is only 50% at present but I hope with a bit more effort it will eventually be a full cover."

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Are you happy with the size of your penis?

Is She?

Give her what she really wants!
A longer, thicker penis!

She won't complain about your size and she'll never stray from your bed.

[Yeah, because no woman has ever divorced or stopped dating a guy with a long, thick penis!]

You'll be more man than she can handle, and
she might even invite her girl friends over to see it !!

[Yeah, that'll happen. Why, just the other day, I was thinking, "I wish I could find some guy with a long, thick penis so I could invite a few of my girlfriends over to see it!" ]

Our penis enhancement formula is all natural and
comes with a money back guarantee!

We GUARANTEE you will see real results
or we will refund your money back!

...etc.

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I love how they first of all work on the insecurity (she won't leave you if you have a big schlong) and then move to dangle the carrot (you'll get sex with a bunch of women at once! It'll be like a Penthouse Forum story!).

Geez.

[ 24 July 2003: Message edited by: Michelle ]

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dangle the carrot

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vegetarian

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Re: the tightening cream, does it come with a special applicator, or do you need someone to help you get it into all the nooks and crannies?

As for male enlarging cream, it does work, in a way. The more you rub it on, the bigger it gets, but only temporarily. And then you have to start all over again. You can kill a whole day that way.

[ 24 July 2003: Message edited by: Andy Social ]

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And I have had veracious veins for about 15 years; I even had surgery to strip some of the bad veins about 5 years ago. Over the last 6 weeks, I have watched the veracious veins shrink over 60%.

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relive that first night sensation!

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You mean I have to buy another 12 vodka coolers?

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You interest me strangely, oldgoat -- considering vodka coolers didn't go on the market until 1983...

[ 11 August 2003: Message edited by: 'lance ]

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I was around 11 or 12 or so when the new "thing" became mixing papaya juice with "Canada Coolers".

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Gack. Some things about the '80s (a very few, really) I can't remember. Others, I've chosen to repress. One guess as to which category this bright idea falls into.

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Oldgoat, unless you were a VERY late bloomer, vodka coolers didn't exist when we were young and frisky. In our day, we had to mix our own vodka and whatever!

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You interest me strangely, oldgoat -- considering vodka coolers didn't go on the market until 1983...

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Damn you guys. Of course it was lemon gin, I just took a bit of license to culturally update the experience because most babblers are a bunch of younguns.

Reminds me lagatta, remember purple jesus? Welches grape juice and grain alchohol. Very smooth. Down like silk and up like Vesuvius. An inexperienced girl in my little cohort once barfed it all over the back seat of my first car, a '63 Chev Biscayne, and caused permanent purple stains.

Hows that for thread drift.

edited to add:Oh shit! I forgot who I was posting as!!! Well that puts a bit of a crimp in the old deity image.

[ 11 August 2003: Message edited by: GOD ]

I think Purple Jesus evolved by the time I was old enough to drink it. Wasn't it a mixture of anything and everything 40 proof and above with purple grape juice?

I know it was really popular with Queen's Engineers (not sure if it still is - they're so tame these days!) for the longest time, purple being their signature colour.

Wasn't the reason it was called Purple Jesus because it was purple and caused exclamations of, "JESUS!" when people drank it?

[ 11 August 2003: Message edited by: Michelle ]

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Wasn't the reason it was called Purple Jesus because it was purple and caused exclamations of, "JESUS!" when people drank it?

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Of course it was lemon gin, I just took a bit of license to culturally update the experience because most babblers are a bunch of younguns.

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"Canada Coolers"

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oh god/dess, because Wine Racks are open until 11 pm, as opposed to LCBO's which are only open to 9 pm, i remember (or don't) many sketchy nights sitting in sketchy parks drinking sketchy canadian coolers.

we would count up all our change and proudly purchase two bottles worth (fuck! alcohol is pop bottles, what about the children!!!!!) whether we were under age or not.

so it's still around, tho they have more than one 'flavour' now. the taste in itself is enough to tighten every orifice up into a pucker.

[ 12 August 2003: Message edited by: statica ]

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so it's still around, tho they have more than one 'flavour' now. the taste in itself is enough to tighten every orifice up into a pucker.

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http://www.blowbib.com/

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Of course it was lemon gin, I just took a bit of license to culturally update the experience because most babblers are a bunch of younguns.

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It used to be sold with a skull and crossbones with the warning 'Do not drink straight'. We took that as a challenge.