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Topic: Intelligence in mates

Southlander
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 10465

posted 24 September 2005 10:09 AM

What to do? Should I date a man 15 years older than me, cos he's bright, and fun, and interested? Can't find much else suitable. I was managing on my own with work, and bridge and the internet, but now my intelligent son has left home I feel I need someone intelligent to talk to. (Sorry, but being female, sex isn't the main selling(?)point -I want a man for other reasons). Does my high IQ warrent being unable to get mental stimulation from a member of the general public, or should I look elsewhere than in a mate for this?

[ 29 September 2005: Message edited by: Southlander ]

From: New Zealand | Registered: Sep 2005 | IP: Logged

skdadl
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 478

posted 24 September 2005 10:33 AM

Southlander, are you telling us that you have found such a man in the flesh, as it were?

I never give advice as such -- well, hardly ever -- but I can tell you that I married a man sixteen years older, and we have had a great marriage, if I do say so myself.

I've never known what our IQs were, actually, although I think we're both rather interesting in our eccentric ways. What has mattered, I think, is that we were eccentric in a lot of similar or complementary ways, and we just found it so easy to live together.

From: gone | Registered: May 2001 | IP: Logged

Papal Bull
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 7050

posted 24 September 2005 12:43 PM

It's not like you're a 15 year old dating a 30 year old. If you both commit to the relationship, or at least are willing to explore the possibility...Why the heck not?

From: Vatican's best darned ranch | Registered: Oct 2004 | IP: Logged

slimpikins
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 9261

posted 24 September 2005 12:59 PM

All adults are basically the same age. Once we are 'grown up' mentally, we keep learning but our mental maturity seems to level off.

Just make sure that there isn't a generation gap in the things that you enjoy, ie ballroom dancing to a big band orchestra vs. raving. And if you think it could be long term, consider the possibility that one could die of natural causes long before the other one. If neither of these things are an issue, then go for it.

From: Alberta | Registered: May 2005 | IP: Logged

Papal Bull
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 7050

posted 24 September 2005 02:14 PM

Then you've never met an adult. Maturity is such a lame word

Going by such a definition, I am the same "mental" age of many people on this board. I know for a fact that I seem like a mental geezer to some, or a toddler to others.

It is all based on individuals, rather than overarching ideas and generalizations.

From: Vatican's best darned ranch | Registered: Oct 2004 | IP: Logged

Raos
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 5702

posted 24 September 2005 03:15 PM

I think that was the point, PB. All adults are not necessarily of the same maturity level, but by this time (as opposed to the 15 dating a 30 year old scenario) you can expect that despite the wide age gap, the dynamic is not going to dramatically shift over time due to one partner mentally maturing.

From: Sweet home Alaberta | Registered: May 2004 | IP: Logged

Contrarian
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 6477

posted 24 September 2005 06:35 PM

Yeah my brain petrified thirty-some years ago and has only gotten slightly harder since that time.

From: pretty far west | Registered: Jul 2004 | IP: Logged

Cartman
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 7440

posted 24 September 2005 08:44 PM

My wife is 13 years my junior and we are very compatible. She is most ambitious (perhaps too ambitious) and provides me with increased motivation to do better by myself. At the same time, I believe that I help her see the bigger picture and "smell the roses" so to speak. I do not know our IQ levels, but I expect that they are similar. More importantly, we love each other dearly and work hard to achieve mutually desired goals in life.

The relationship is almost perfect except for one thing. I know that I will die long before she will and that she will be alone. Not only am I significantly older than is she, but my family history is not characterized by longevity. I do not know the genetic history of my biological father as I have never met him.

In any case, IMO it is impossible to accumulate all the information needed to make such important decisions in a perfectly rational way. You have to leave some things to chance. All you can do is your best and try to enjoy the ride.

I am not sure if this actually constitutes advice.

From: Bring back Audra!!!!! | Registered: Nov 2004 | IP: Logged

West Coast Greeny
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 6874

posted 28 September 2005 06:27 PM

Hey! My IQ is in the 140's! But I'm 25 years younger than you...

[Sorry, I had to find an excuse to brag]

[ 28 September 2005: Message edited by: West Coast Greeny ]

From: Ewe of eh. | Registered: Sep 2004 | IP: Logged

idontandwontevergolf
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4154

posted 28 September 2005 07:14 PM

My sister is 50 and is married to a man who is 70. Since he retired recently she has realized that he is slowing down while she still has lots of life in her. And they have a six year old child. (The oops! I thought I was through menopause baby.) My sister is beginning to move away from her husband emotionally. I have a friend who is 8 years older than her husband and as she approaches 50 she is growing concerned about the difference in their ages and has been worried that he will be on the lookout for a younger woman. (As it turns out, he has been unfaithful but with a woman the same age as his wife, so who knows?)

Regardless, you can't apply logic to the reasons why you should or shouldn't be with someone - unless they're an axe murderer.

From: Between two highways | Registered: May 2003 | IP: Logged

Michelle
Moderator
Babbler # 560

posted 28 September 2005 07:18 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Southlander:
What to do? Should I date a man 15 years older than me, cos he's bright, and fun, and interested? Can't find much else suitable.

Gee whiz, what more do you want?

Who cares about his age? You're above the age of consent.

From: I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell. | Registered: May 2001 | IP: Logged

Screaming Lord Byron
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4717

posted 29 September 2005 12:23 AM

Hey! Mentioning IQ figures on a board is an internet faux-pas! I'm sure it's covered by one of the International Internet Etiquette Accords or something. Even residents of the Shakies are not exempt!

From: Calgary | Registered: Dec 2003 | IP: Logged

retread
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 9957

posted 29 September 2005 01:20 AM

Mentioning IQ's is only a problem for those of you with IQ's less than 500

If you ever go on a fitness site, you find the same thing with mentioning how much you can lift - generally its considered bad form unless it was done in some competition which allows the numbers to be corroborated.

From: flatlands | Registered: Jul 2005 | IP: Logged

blacklisted
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 8572

posted 29 September 2005 01:48 AM

but can you lift your IQ? the ultimate measure of the perfect mate,perhaps?

From: nelson,bc | Registered: Mar 2005 | IP: Logged

Southlander
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 10465

posted 29 September 2005 06:07 AM

Sorry about mentioning my IQ, I'm new, but it was relevant - do I have trouble talking to general people because of it, or is it not that different? Personally I find it a bit of a handicap. It was good for getting grades in school, but that was a long time ago. It's abit like being tall - 5"8' is cool but I wouldn't want to be 6"3'. being a C or D cup would impress the guys, but I wouldn't want to be EE. Intelligance is the same. I've got no idea if I'm a C or an EE, but it is a handicap at times.

[ 29 September 2005: Message edited by: Southlander ]

From: New Zealand | Registered: Sep 2005 | IP: Logged

Screaming Lord Byron
rabble-rouser
Babbler # 4717

posted 29 September 2005 09:52 PM

That's alright, Southlander - I wasn't being entirely serious. I was aiming for flippantly playful, y'know?

From: Calgary | Registered: Dec 2003 | IP: Logged

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