When I left my ex (many years ago), he cleaned out the joint chequing account and left me penniless. I was a struggling student at the time, too, but I survived, and I'm sure you can find a way to get by without the $175 (not without hardship, I'm sure -- I've been there).

You could pester the crap out of him for either an agreement or the cash but he could get a restraining order against you. It would also leave you bitter and hostile as well as make you look a little loopy.

$175 is a lot of money when you are a student. However, as a lesson learned, it is a cheap price to pay.

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Originally posted by mighty brutus:
There's a lot of guys out there who want a good woman and are willing to treat them like gold. You just have to find them. Problem is, a lot of ladies are attracted to the bad boys, n'est ce pas?

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Originally posted by Mr. Magoo:
If you have another $175, you could probably have his kneecaps "Tonya Harding'ed". It won't get your cash back, but it might make walking away a little sweeter (since you'll be able to)

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Originally posted by breathless:

Definitely an option, but of course then I wouldn't have the satisfaction of knowing he was the big jerk and not me!

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It takes a while before you can stop chewing nails over guys and stuff like this. When I feel that way, I make speeches to my cats in the early morning, when no one else is around. The cats listen very solemnly. They obviously believe every word I say and approve of my every action.

And good riddance to the jerk. Pulling yourself out of a financial hole is never fun, often depressing -- but you sound as though you're feeling pretty resilient right now, so overcoming this is going to make you feel even stronger.

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Originally posted by breathless:

I wish I could start finding some of the good ones again! They seem to have disappeared. I broke the heart of a good one a long time ago, unfortunately. I think that my last boyfriend was part of a phase of life I never went through in high school and really had to get out of me, ie. drugs, alcohol, lots of sex, cheating, etc.

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I'm with all the others who say you should just forget about the money, move on, and be strong in your resolve that he's the shithead, and your The Shit (the good way).

In breakups, I find, there's usually one who feels either bitter and vengeful, or over the top broken-hearted, or whatever, and they usually try to make the other person feel as bad as possible. I've seen people go to great lengths to get any kind of emotional response from their breakup counterpart. Everything from revealing plans to propose to admitting they cheated, to stealing stuff, or doing the most melodramatic dropoff of "all your things that you left at my place."

But it's all just manipulation. It's disrespectful and invasive. If you've broken up with someone in very clear terms, and you meant it, then anything they do to try to change your mind, IMO, is a trespass on your personal space and consciousness.

The blond guy found the same thing in a former relationship he had with a mentally ill woman.

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Originally posted by skdadl:

It takes a while before you can stop chewing nails over guys and stuff like this. When I feel that way, I make speeches to my cats in the early morning, when no one else is around. The cats listen very solemnly. They obviously believe every word I say and approve of my every action.

And good riddance to the jerk. Pulling yourself out of a financial hole is never fun, often depressing -- but you sound as though you're feeling pretty resilient right now, so overcoming this is going to make you feel even stronger.

And apart from that, how's life? Nice to meet you, etc.

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wow, i was surprised by all these replies! everyone on this messageboard is so nice

i'm sorry i didn't get back to you until now. i don't have regular access to a computer!

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Originally posted by breathless:

everyone on this messageboard is so nice

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Originally posted by Zoot Capri:

Anyway, bad relationships apparently tend to lead to debt. Interesting, eh?

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I think that's totally true. your relationship's state is linked to your mental health and your mental health can be linked to your bank account. especially after a bad breakup you might go on a shopping binge to make yourself feel better. or you want to change your identity from who you were with that person so you do this through buying things.

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Originally posted by mighty brutus:

Take your time, there's no rush! I find that some people (& I don't mean you specifically) aren't comfortable in their own skin & can only define themselves through a relationship. This applies even to people in their forties, so if you can learn that lesson at your young age, you're ahead of the game, girlfriend.

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all of the above=completely and absolutely true!

I didn't learn that lesson until I was 38. That was the first time in my life that I was single for any amount of time. I spent 2 years figuring out myself, my goals and dreams. I didn't want to include a mate in my individual goals and thus found I learned a lot about myself.

In Ontario going to small claims court costs $50 (if he loses he'll usually have to pay your costs on top of the amount he owes you) but if you don't think your case is solid it might not be worth it. Again, a legal clinic could probably advise you of your chances.

[ 26 November 2003: Message edited by: Mycroft ]

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I bought him something on my credit card which he didn't finish paying me back for.

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Originally posted by Wilfred Day:

While those who say "move on" may be right, you should know that you have a choice. It's not up to you to prove he didn't finish paying you back, it's up to him to prove he did, if he can. There is no presumption of gift from girlfriend to boyfriend, it's up to him to prove that the item is his now.

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Hey, ya only go around once. Might as well have some fun.