Are there any good books/movies/tips/etc ... you could recommend? Especially children's books, as we think this might be a stealthy way to ease White Person into the idea that maybe parenting a child that might not look totally "white" is going to have its challenges. Especially with her/his lack of perspective on the issue.

[ 24 February 2005: Message edited by: audra trower williams ]

Of course, it may be that the "minority" in this case is one that is not likely to be discriminated against as would say a black male, or it could be that I am as oblivious to the situation as your friends boy friend (in which case I'd certainly be interested as well in other peoples comments, and surces of information.)

I'm not really in this situation myself, but I could have been, had my son turned out to look like his father rather than the spitting image of me. His dad is a visible minority, but my son managed somehow to inherit my pale skin and green eyes, so he's not going to be facing much in the way of discrimination based on skin colour.

The strange thing is, I've always wanted to raise him with more of an awareness of his non-WASP heritage, and have him learn Farsi, etc., but I have the impression that his dad might have felt like it would be better for him to assimilate instead. So he hasn't learned Farsi, really (although he understands a few phrases here and there - I probably know more of it than he does!).

Anyhow, while I haven't had to personally, with my child, deal with racialization issues, I did learn way back when in my ECE days about creating an environment for children (whether white or not) where they see people of all colours on a regular basis, in their stories, pictures, movies and television shows, etc. Maybe if the mom in this situation goes out of her way to make sure that there are not only resources that specifically deal with race issues, but that are simply inclusive of more than just WASP culture, too.

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Originally posted by audra trower williams:
Okay, so I have this friend (really!) who is a member of a visible ethnic minority and is having a baby with a white person. It is becoming increasingly clear that the white person has very little appreciation or understanding of race issues.

Are there any good books/movies/tips/etc ... you could recommend? Especially children's books, as we think this might be a stealthy way to ease White Person into the idea that maybe parenting a child that might not look totally "white" is going to have its challenges. Especially with her/his lack of perspective on the issue.

[ 24 February 2005: Message edited by: audra trower williams ]

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This is a difficult one. The parent who is the ethnic minority will obviously have to take the lead in informing the child of the difficulties they will face and in teaching the child how to deal with being called a whatever. That parent will also have to continue to inform the white parent that yes it is still an issue. But as for the other parent one would assume they'd love the child -- and well in experiencing the racism directed at their child and partner, as bad as this sounds, they will begin to understand (albiet not to the same extent) what it means. Also I don't know how extensive this is anymore but some racists may literally refer to the white parent as a "traitor" -- and it's pretty obvious what that means. Having those experiences will go a long way towards understanding.

[ 24 February 2005: Message edited by: Hinterland ]

Amazon Listmania: We're All Alike, We're All Different: skin & race for kids

The book I was looking for was:
Does Anyone Else Look Like Me?

From Haiti with love.
Does anyone else look like me? Donna Jackson
Inside transracial adoption
Half and Half by O'Hearn (Asian perspective)
I'm Chocolate you are vanilla by wright
When you were born in China
Families are forever (child's book)
Are those kids yours?
Just don't marry one (This is actually about prejudice but I loved it)
Real Parents Real children by Van Guiden
wHAT are you by Gaskins

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Originally posted by audra trower williams:
Okay, so I have this friend (really!) who is a member of a visible ethnic minority and is having a baby with a white person. It is becoming increasingly clear that the white person has very little appreciation or understanding of race issues.

[ 24 February 2005: Message edited by: audra trower williams ]

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I am not sure what you mean by not having an awareness of race issue. Is he/she un-aware of racial differences? Is she/he not accepting that racism exist? ..

Not being sure if I understand this specific situation, I am going to speak generally about it.

I have been around people who were raised in a mixed race family and those who are raising mixed race children.

I find it to be very difficult for children if one or both parents deny existence of racism or do not talk about it. Children will face challenges in society, school, play ground and as they grow up it will change form.

Even if the child has white skin still one parent is not white and racial issues or racist comments may be internalized. They may view the parent who is of colour differently or be ashamed of them. Ultimately that would affect their view of themselves as well. I would discuss the differences. I also realize that it is not easy to discuss these issues and not being worried that those talks may by itself effect the children. It is sensitive issue.

If they don't have awareness of the roots of it and/or parents are not acknowledging it, then it may effect their self esteem. As they grow up and face discrimination and have no awareness of the issue they may perceive it as there is something wrong with them as oppose to there is something wrong with this person.

A friend of mine once was telling me that her child was trying to deny her non-white race in front of others. This can not be very healthy.

I have heard very disturbing stories from adults who are of mixed race but the issue of race were not discussed at home and their self image and confusions.

I believe it is very important that children grow up knowing about differences from a knowledgeable person. It is also important that parent can be sympathetic when it comes to the child facing discrimination.

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I am not sure what you mean by not having an awareness of race issue. Is he/she un-aware of racial differences? Is she/he not accepting that racism exist? ..

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I think that's best expressed by, "I'm not racist, I treat them just like white people."

They aren't white people, why would you treat them that way? Would you treat my old Irish grandma like a twenty year old Asian? Would you treat my Irish grandma like my Ukrainian grandma? Of course not. You'd recognise where they came from and what they'd faced in life as a result and treat them accordingly.

You have to acknowledge that, for better or worse. I think that's the dilemma Audra's friend is facing, but more extreme. My old grandmas didn't face the same kind of prejudice as a visible minority does.

To put it another way...I went out with a native girl when I was young. She once told me that she liked the fact that I acknowledged her native heritage. A lot of her friends and previous boyfriends just kind of glossed over it, like it didn't matter. It did matter though, she had a heritage.

I was actually just too enticed by her boobies, being a teenaged boy, to remember that being "Lakota" was supposed to be different than being "Ukrainian". Both cultures have dancers in brightly coloured costumes, after all. Once she said it I thought about though. It made sense.

Anyway, my point is that denying racial or cultural differences is a real problem. We're all proud of our heritage to some extent, and want it to be recognised. If that heritage includes a legacy of racism it becomes even more important because most of us will never know what that feels like.

If the father of Audra's friend's kid (hope I got that right) is saying, "Oh, you're just like me," then he's mistaken.

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Originally posted by Reverend Blair:

P.S....Not picking on you, Negad...you just presented a convenient opening line.

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Are there any good books/movies/tips/etc ... you could recommend?

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I usually describe myself as Eurasian (Asian mother and Caucasian father) when people pester me about my phenotype, and I was born and raised in Canada. My father, for what it's worth, was extremely active during the Civil Rights movement in the U.S. and went to solitary confinement for his beliefs while sitting peacefully in a protest in Atlanta. He was beaten brutally by police during that time--and yet, I believe his own reaction to how I was treated during my childhood in Canada proves how impossible it is to be prepared for things that may happen to one's children, but that's another discussion . . .

While I certainly think it's admirable that you are concerned for your friend, I have found most books on this topic (that I've been subjected to, at least) to be not only useless, but also ignorant of experiences I endured(some people's experiences are relatively unique). More importantly, things have happened to me that, I doubt, most authors could predict--and I would never be so presumptuous as to pretend I understood the racist experiences that others have endured. Consequently, I'm not sure why some authors feel they can ever be considered authorities . . .

However, I do sympathize. I've been in a longtime relationship with a Chinese-Canadian woman, who seems to be oblivious (well, I guess she's slowly learning . . .) to discrimination our potential offspring may endure. To illustrate how clueless she was, when she first met me, she just thought I was "some handsome white guy"; she was pretty clueless--and not just about me being "handsome".

You may find, as I did, that discrimination varies depending on where you live or tend to spend time. I experience discrimination just eating at certain Chinese restaurants, for instance.

Anyway, there are many sites dealing with the topic of multiracial or interracial people. I consider this site to be a good starting point, if for no other reason than it contains the (albeit fictional) Bill of Rights for Racially Mixed People (when I was younger, I found this to be somewhat comforting):

http://www.webcom.com/~intvoice/rights.html

[ 07 March 2005: Message edited by: Webslinger ]

quote:

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Originally posted by Webslinger:

While I certainly think it's admirable that you are concerned for your friend, I have found most books on this topic (that I've been subjected to, at least) to be not only useless, but also ignorant of experiences I endured(some people's experiences are relatively unique). More importantly, things have happened to me that, I doubt, most authors could predict--and I would never be so presumptuous as to pretend I understood the racist experiences that others have endured. Consequently, I'm not sure why some authors feel they can ever be considered authorities . . .

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This is a very important point. It is really difficult for me to understand why some feel that they can speak with an authority about oppression of others or demand that people proof that oppression that they experience is destructive.

Even when a book is written by a person who has lived that life, can not be understood by others by just reading it. The worse thing is to read about oppression of others and pretend that we are export on it and have the right to dismiss it or minimize it or label it or portray it as a minor short coming of society.
I am a person of colour and I have family members who are of mixed race, I can not pretend that I understand what they are experiencing even though some of our experiences are the same and I don’t believe that they ever pretended that they wholly understand the experiences of the rest of us.

I also don’t see it as my job to educate those who do not educate themselves and dismiss or minimize oppression of other people right of the bat without making any attempt to educate themselves. I do not think these people have any intention to be educated if they did they wouldn’t dismiss things without trying to at least learn about it. The attitude of it doesn’t exist or it is not that bad because I haven’t “seen” it. Or there are people who are worse off than you what are you complaining about, this just shows a person’s deep rooted problems.

[ 07 March 2005: Message edited by: mamitalinda ]